Lies In The Act Of Truth
by GravitySufferingLoveFate
Summary: Harry's life is in turmoil in his 5th year. A growing depression has caused Harry to slip away from his friends and life in general. A new twisted sexual relationship is the worse problem, as through understanding and comfort; Harry's life changes forever
1. Cold To The Touch

Lies In The Act Of Truth

Chapter One: Cold To The Touch

"Can You Feel It? Help Me To Feel It Too"

Harry lay in the dusk of night. His eyes fluttered open lazily as he awoke and sat up in bed remembering where he presently presided. Sitting in the bed for a number of minutes gazing out of the room's window into the darkness that had surrounded the moon. Catching the thoughts which collectively polluted his mind with various images and theories that held no importance or significance in his life. Harry felt a sudden tinge of pain in one of his legs, his hand slowly traced under the white bedsheets to the area that he thought was the source of the pain. This pain was a numbness that was different to the soreness that Harry attained after a Quidditch match or training session. "Always happens after the act" Harry thought to himself with a grimace expression upon his face that expressed the estrangement and isolation he felt from his own existence to the world.

Harry could have remained in that same position for a while longer but understood that even though he desired to remain in his current state, eventually he would have to return to the world in which he lived: or partly chose to dwell in. He had amends to make, not with other people but with himself and there was no way of escaping this. The past couple of months had been a spiral that had transfixed to Harry's life and abused it in numerous ways that it has become more perverse than Harry could have ever imagined. Harry reflected on his time at Hogwarts and came to the conclusion that in the last five years even though he had found a haven that he could remotely call home, there was something that was missing, a great unknown that had been ripped from Harry's soul and forced him down this road of his own accord. Choices he had made in the past months clouded every emotion within Harry to the extent that he felt like a shell with its owner in another time. "Another life, another problem" Harry whispered to himself as he turned towards the bed side table and began to look for his glasses.

Still in darkness, Harry began to trace his hands across the various objects that were held upon the table in complete silence...an alarm clock...an empty glass which previously held water...an ipod...and finally Harry hands rested upon his oval rimmed black lenses that had become his common trademark along with his acute scar on his forehead that was achieved when Voldermort attacked him all those years ago as a young child resulting in the death of his parents. Harry would eternally despise Voldermort for the barbaric murder of his parents of which Harry had no ability to halt. However, the same couldn't be said for the death of Cedric Diggory at the hands of Voldermort at last year's Tri-wizard tournament, as some thought when honestly Harry had to admit he was defenceless and in fact Cedric died saving him and he wasn't the cause for the young wizard's death even though it felt like it. A huge guilt which still remained on Harry's shoulders, placed upon the rest of his burdens which Harry thought was the carrying of the weight of the world. Harry immediately recalled the day of Cedric's funeral, he hadn't seen so many people in his life, students from all wizardry schools seemed to be there attending the funeral of a great falling solider who had died under the evil of 'He who shall must not be named'. Cho in particular, was distraught at the funeral and spent most of the time crying and being comforted by friends including Hermoine and Luna. Any time Harry locked eyes with her he saw a great deal of loss in her eyes and a sense of being alone which Harry could relate to on more than one level. Harry knew that deep down Cho wished that it was him that died and not her beloved Cedric. Not even Dumbledore could remove this thought in Harry's mind which brought him deeper into depression with him slowly losing emotional and spiritual touch with all the people around him that supposedly loved him. "If only they could see me now and look into me and see the truth of my mind and heart" Harry thought. Surrounded by all these people but forever alone.

There was only another that Harry felt even a flicker of hope or existence with and he couldn't bring himself to think or utter the name as it was followed by the thought that although this person was the only one that partly understood him, his angel of darkness, the origins of all his desires and wonders, this person was the one that possessed and was everything that Harry hated about himself and the world. Continuously supplying him with all the satisfaction ever known to mankind but at the same time revulsion, despair and hatred in thousands of different ways. Harry wished that he was still the young boy who was marvelled by the world of wizardry all those years ago but knew dwelling on the past wouldn't rescue his dwindling life.

The room in which the bed Harry sat in was of no particular size, adorned with the typical teenager necessities which Harry could see as he placed on his glasses. No place like home huh?, Harry thought already knowing the answer to his own question. A sudden scent filled Harry's nose, an all too familiar one, this room always smelt like this. A dank, dirty odour filled with impurity clouded the room with a musty smokescreen. Harry wasn't surprised by this as he glanced onto the dark carpet with was covered with books, left over food and dirty laundry. Pig, was the one word that came into his head. The surroundings reminded him of his best friend Ron, his room was alike this room in more ways than one. The loyal Ron, Harry pressed in his mind. You used to always be there for me, but now you've turned on me, I feel like I hardly know you or myself any more. Tears began to fall from Harry's eyes, these tears weren't of joy but of total reluctance to want to live and the retched heartache Harry continued to feel by just living. It had been only two weeks since Harry contemplated suicide but deterred from this as he sought last minute comfort and understanding from the one that really knew him. Still wondering why he didn't end his existence there in then, Harry began to snap out of his trance and looked once more at the room he couldn't seem to leave. There were various posters on the walls of the current popular boybands that didn't match Harry's taste in genres of music. Harry thought, Crap music, good comforting whilst half smiling. This took even Harry by surprise as he hadn't smiled in such a long time. It was a brief moment that appeared and disappeared returning Harry back to how he always felt.

Harry glanced at the clock on the wall, it read 4:AM, it was time that he made a move so he slipped out of the bed not wanting to draw attention to himself. Knowing it would only cause problems and even more deception than he could handle, Harry started scourging the room for his clothes, deciding to leave as quickly as possible. It took a matter of seconds before Harry had found his jeans, t-shirt and shoes as he always left them in the same place for convenience and a speedy escape, the second being technically untrue as he wanted to stay here as long as possible but he would realise that he would be consumed by the lies and corruption and that picking up his self dignity wasn't something he wished to do practically every night however as enjoyable the events previously were. How can I reap pleasure but pain at the same time, Harry asked himself. Harry noticed that he hadn't yet found his underwear as of now, but remembered leaving it close by the bed. Humiliation creped upon his face as he stood in the room spinning around for his missing clothing not wanting to leave any evidence that might spark a shred of suspicion. Deceiving people wasn't easy business but Harry had become exceptionally good at it and could roll lies of his tongue without much of a thought.

Abandoning his search for his missing underwear, Harry silently creped towards the room's door making sure not to make any noise while manoeuvring himself around certain obstacles of the room. Harry was practically at the door, giving a sigh of relief as he would leave undetected. Harry turned whilst at the door to look at the room and its contents reassuring himself that this was the last and final time he would ever be in this position, and that it was the right thing to do but wasn't sure for who even though his ideas upon the matter would soon change once he had reached his destination and reflected or remembered the past events that went on through the majority of the night.

Harry reached out and grasped the door handle and then he heard movement from behind him deeper in the room. A look of horror appeared on Harry's face and nervousness that hoped that it was a figment of his imagination but knew it was reality. Awoken, Harry guessed and tried to block the idea out of his head. A loud yawn filled with satisfaction and bliss echoed throughout the room followed by a huge grin, which wasn't on Harry's face. Harry saw and heard this and became filled him up with revulsion and hatred. Harry cursed more than once and tuned back to the door muttering to himself "Degrading doesn't cover it enough!".


	2. Him

Chapter Two: Him

"He Bends, He Breaks, He Loves You, Then He Takes It Away"

_A loud yawn filled with satisfaction and bliss echoed throughout the room followed by a huge grin, which wasn't on Harry's face. Harry saw and heard this and he became filled up with revulsion and hatred. Harry cursed more than once and turned back to the door muttering to himself "Degrading doesn't cover it enough!"..._

In the darkness of the night, awaiting the arrival of the light that would consume the darkness for half a day, the one that was Harry's saviour lay. Perched up in the same bed laid in by Harry not to long ago, with a head placed on the bed's headboard resting on an arm, a smile etched on a face that had explored the deepest and darkest thoughts and desires of the tormented Harry, but still remained the same entity throughout the two's entire conquests upon each other that reached never before reached lengths. Possessing a sense of belonging which Harry craved and would cling to if needed. Harry still facing the door as he had originally prepared to leave quietly just stood gazing at the door, not knowing how to react to what was happening. Harry knew that he would either have to say something or walk through the door, hardly difficult but signifying important things. If he walked out the door, he would be leaving the one he owed his life to, his dark lover that although he didn't like to admit it was all Harry felt he had. However if he said anything then it would be a re-run of the cycle which normally occurred between the two, they would talk, then argue, then kiss, then undress, then have sex, then lay next to each other forgetting what had happened as for Harry it was a shameful but exalting experience that tore him any time he pondered or disputed the issue with himself.

Silence filled the room with a cold breeze gracing Harry's skin, staring at one another for what seemed like eternity, both expecting the other to begin the conversation. Harry at this point, wasn't in the mood for mind games and came out with what he hoped with what would be an icebreaker for the two, " Thought I would leave without waking you". Suddenly, Harry thought that was the stupidest thing to say and silenced himself once more. Their eyes focused on one another, a connection shared between them both that neither them could define, or anyone who knew their dirty little secret. Honesty to himself, was definitely not one of Harry's attributes, but at this point in his life he felt it necessary to ...at least make a move. Tracing deeper into the room, Harry stood right next to the bed where his lover still lay watching him. "Where is my underwear?" Harry asked. "Haven't seen them" was the reply Harry received. Rage began to brew in Harry's stomach and gradually rose into his throat. He wanted to wipe that smile off his lover's face but not by arguing or swearing at each other, straddling would suffice as a twisted punishment and rage reliever, Harry then thought that this was what his lover wanted and deterred himself from the idea. The white bed cover, lay on Harry's lover's stomach and slightly revealed a six pack. His lover who was once his most hated enemy, after Voldermort, was the one that lay in the bed. Piercing grey eyes that seemed to only look at Harry and him alone, fading out the rest of the world with them. A soft subtle face that sparked handsomeness and resembled that of an angel, an angel that was rebellious and knew a great deal about the darkest natures of life and glorified them with every moment of life. And Harry commented his most prominent feature, his blond hair, his lover, his saviour, the body he found love, pleasure as well as hate with, belonged to if only for a few hours, Draco Malfoy, Harry's beautiful Draco Malfoy. That was what Harry defined him as and how Harry felt when he was with him even for a mere second. Beautiful in his eyes, to the world. Song lyrics echoed in Harry's head..._Oh tonight I'm a teenage queen. Look so black. I feel so beautiful... _

"What is the matter, Harry?" Malfoy queried. Wanting to remain cryptic Harry replied with "Since when did you call me Harry?, I remember a time when you called me Potter!". A time when I reflected humanity, Harry thought. Staring at Malfoy's face, Harry felt a great deal of regret of how he treated Malfoy. For someone I care about I have a funny way of showing it, Harry thought. Instead of pressing on with the matter, Harry decided that self-hate could wait a day or two. Harry had to admit that Malfoy with the moonlight highlighting his chest looked sexy and alluring. Malfoy quickly quipped "Stop perving at me Harry, I can see your-". "Shut up Malfoy" Harry immediately replied. One thing for certain was that Malfoy made Harry crazy, the things he said, the way he sexually teased Harry made him want to fuck his bloody brains out. Malfoy seemed to reveal a dark side to Harry, that was unknown even to Harry. The things I let him do to me, Harry thought. I enjoy it but...Harry's mind began to trail of once more. "Still here, Harry?" Malfoy once again began "They way you were gathering your clothes a while ago looked life you were in a rush to leave". Malfoy had a wide grin on his face as he loved to toy with Harry, one of the two things he loved the most with sex with Harry being the obvious other. Harry glared at Malfoy which only made him giggle then put a innocent expression on his face. "Does this mean that you're staying" Malfoy asked hopefully. Harry jumped at the question knowing that at this point he had the power as it was Malfoy who wanted him. "It depends, what is there to keep me here?". Harry flirtfully asked. "Oh don't start getting full of yourself Harry" Malfoy replied "I just want to know whether I might fit in a bit of sex before breakfast. Seeing that your so-called friends don't care about you no more, I might be able to use your body for a couple of hours. Don't worry you will get to breakfast in time to see Ron stuffing his face with food and Hermione with her head in a book!.If they only knew where their beloved Harry spent most nights. With his boxers down filling my room with screams of Malfoy give me more". Harry stood there in utter astonishment as however nasty Malfoy said it, it was the truth, his truth though. "Shut up Malfoy" Harry screamed "Or I will-" "Or you will what?" Malfoy cut off "Come over here and straddle me to death?!. That would only be given me what I wanted". Malfoy began to throw the bed cover from of on top of him with it just missing Harry and began to rise from the bed. Now completely standing, Malfoy stood in the darkness of the room in front of Harry not caring that he was completely naked. Malfoy slowly stepped towards Harry, Harry was bound to where he stood, he could only stare at Malfoy and his body. Malfoy showed off his great masculinity with pride, Harry felt sexually intimidated as Malfoy came towards him admitting to himself that Malfoy's presence had power over him. But this time he would have to show self courage and perseverance by defying Malfoy, Harry's choice was to either stand there and remain in Malfoy's sexual web or save himself from himself. Harry began to back away as Malfoy advanced towards him and ended up with his back against a wall. Dead end

In the remaining hours of darkness that filled the room awaiting the first appearance of sunlight stood Harry and Malfoy. Harry pressed against the wall with Malfoy keeping him there. Lover to Lover. Enemy to Enemy. Harry wondered why he couldn't just push past Malfoy and storm out through the door. With Malfoy standing there naked, that thought had to be reconsidered for a while as the small thought of Malfoy's touch gradually aroused Harry. His deathly scented morning-after breath pressed against Harry's skin slowly bringing him into a sexual trance without self-control. Eyes focused on one another speaking of such hate and affection. Waiting for the other to make a move. To become intimate. To be one


	3. Mercy Always

Chapter Three: Mercy Always

"Your despair is such a lonely place, Pity is your elegant wound, Your damaged with a precious face, Your hope is such a desperate place. Pretty with a delicate skin, We can only wonder where its _been...All your flaws have been revealed..."_

_Eyes focused on one another speaking of such hate and affection. Waiting for the other to make a move. To become intimate. To be one..._

What is he waiting for, Harry thought, why does he keep staring at me?. No, not again, I can't let you use me. Malfoy only gazed at Harry. Pressing himself on him as Harry was against the wall. Releasing loud breaths every so often, relieving the tension between the two. Harry's eyes began to open and close as he breathed heavily, it was happening once more. Malfoy had not even begun doing anything to Harry but still somehow had reeled Harry back in. Self-control was lost once more. Cast into the unseen which had been Harry's haven but now his burden. Harry's mind becoming a sea of thoughts trying to escape his mind through his mouth. "Malfoy, stop!" Harry pleaded. "Why?!" Malfoy asked. "Oh come on Harry, you know you want it. You want to feel. You're mine!". It was true, it honestly was, that's what twisted the predicament Harry found himself in. Harry's skin was his shell to the world. Malfoy delved past it, inside Harry into his cold heart and warmed him through. But at a terrible cost. Harry's mind and eyes switched from Malfoy onto a oak mirror hanging upon Malfoy's wall. ..._Mirror Mirror on the wall..._Harry only had to gaze into the mirror, at his own reflection, for shame to cover him over, seep through his mind and body. Revealing the darkness, self-hate and mental bruises etched in him. Physical scars on his wrists were only to feel, when Malfoy wasn't near, when Harry was at his lowest. His blade would bring release and redemption upon him. Fulfilling a moment of suspicion and obsession in a mere touch.

"Malfoy, get off me!". Harry screamed as he grabbed Malfoy by his naked shoulders and attempted to push him away. Malfoy being the stronger of the two reversed the offensive and threw Harry back onto the wall with a loud thud. "Want to play huh?. You know I like it rough". Malfoy commented. "Malfoy I mean it, let me go!" Harry pleaded once more. Malfoy's hand trailed from on the wall beside Harry's head downwards, past Harry's neck, his arms, his heart. Ceasing at his middle area. Slowly lifting up Harry's shirt in silence. Harry only standing there fighting to say something to make Malfoy stop, to make him continue. Malfoy's eyes stare at Harry once more, smirking with the thought in his head that Harry was an easy conquest and anything Malfoy did could make Harry moan with pleasure even if they were arguing. Malfoy grabs Harry's belt and begins to loosen it, with no interference from Harry but heavy breaths and waiting and watching for what might happen next. Malfoy playfully takes Harry's belt throwing it to the floor, reaching for Harry's jeans with full knowledge that he doesn't have any underwear on. Works everytime. Malfoy thought.

Once more, it had happen, the cycle that occurred every time, every night, every moment between the two. When would the habit become broken?, Harry questioned himself as he stood in front of Malfoy with him about to pull down his jeans. However deeply Harry wanted this, it was sickening. Standing there so hallow not able to comprehend what he was allowing Malfoy to do to him. He was using him, Malfoy using Harry, Harry using Malfoy, both understood and accepted this, whatever they did, undefinable to them both, it was comfort that couldn't be found no where else in the world. But at what cost?, Harry once more thought. Seconds seemed to prolong for days to Harry as Malfoy stared at him with a cold expression on his face. Hands ready to pull his jeans down, to reveal Harry to the world, to...to ...feel.

"No!!!!" Harry shouted as he grabbed Malfoy's hands from off his jeans and pushed him backwards onto the bed. "Can't you understand how this feels?!. What you are doing to me!" Harry continues glaring at Malfoy who is currently sitting upright on the bed just looking at Harry questioningly before replying "I thought this was what you wanted!". Malfoy begins once more"Now all of a sudden, you've gained a pair of balls and think you know what you want. Remember you are the one that wanted me, begged me to stay with you when-". "When I what?!" Harry cuts Malfoy off "Sitting in the bathroom with a razor about to slit my throat! Why couldn't you just leave me there...why!. If I killed myself, then I wouldn't feel like this, so dead, so...". Harry begins to sob, all his emotions flood back to him once again, a great hurt swells his heart, was this enlightenment or the final thought before complete inhumanity.

The mirror caught Harry's eye once more, his face contorted to his mind like a deathly beast consuming all that was good, his selfishness had turn him black, he was the cancer in all of this not Malfoy, he only cared and even though Harry couldn't understand, loved him. "Malfoy...I'm sorry" Harry speaks with remorse in his voice wanting to be comforted by Malfoy so much. Just to be in his tight embrace for a moment would be enough to bring him from where he was, so far away from home, still hating his home, there was no where he belonged, but it would have to satisfy him for now. Malfoy still gazing at him simply states "It's ok...I understand. Whatever you want". Malfoy stands and goes to Harry reaching for his shoulders but Harry steps backwards, Untouchable, for now, appearing broken, but occurred way before this. Silence claims the room, the two not knowing what to say to eachother, to awkward, to tense. Malfoy sighs and begins to try and communicate to Harry "Um...do you want a drink?". Harry now sitting on the edge of Malfoy's bed, staring at his hands, as if covered by dirt and the sins of the world. His wrists marked entirely with him remembering the memory of each one, when and where it happen and what it symbolised...love...hate...abuse...lost...loneliness...obsession...despair...deceit...destruction. Still looking at his hands instead of speaking to Malfoy "Why are you being so nice to me?" Harry wonders. "Because I care about you, I know I don't say it and I act like a real jerk sometimes but-" Malfoy replies. Harry lifts up his head and stares at Malfoy. So innocent, so young, so alone. Even Malfoy could cry. Malfoy still standing naked, stares outside at the emerging sun appearing behind the great hills of Hogwarts castle, morning could wait Malfoy thought as he stalked towards Harry. Kneeling down at Harry's feet as an equal to him, giving Harry the power he needed, the self-worth he desired. Malfoy carefully holds Harry's hands and trails his hands along Harry's scared wrists. So much pain and misery on such a mere inch of skin. Malfoy removes his hands from Harry's wrists, Harry not knowing what Malfoy is doing remains silent and has finished crying. Malfoy's lips press against Harry's wrists as if his touch would sooth all Harry's problems as his wrists were the origins of them all. Each touch brought Harry happiness, pleasure and a place where he felt wanted by someone. A moment shared between the two that wasn't sexual or abusive, but true, pure. Malfoy embraces Harry and guides him to the bed where Harry lays his head on Malfoy's chest. Where Malfoy lies with Harry resting upon him, protecting him, watching him sleep, being his saviour and his nemesis at the same time. Quietly in the fading darkness, together, watching the darkness absorb by the sunshine that feels the room with spiritual radiance and creates an aura around the two. Two people, who care for another, hate eachother, becoming for this time and a few hours, without psychical sex but merely comfort. One.


	4. Dead And Alone Inside?

Chapter Four: Dead & Alone Inside?

Just Look At Me, Look At Me Now...Can You See It? See It Now?_...I'm A Fake..._

_Two people, who care for another, hate eachother, becoming for this time and a few hours, without psychical sex but merely comfort. One..._

As the sunlight engulfed the room that had been home to darkness for what seemed like eternity. There Malfoy lay. In the same position he was in previously when Harry was held in his protective arms. When Harry was there. Malfoy's eyes flickered open with ease, shunning the morning light with a grunt expression. Waiting for his vision to be complete. Looking in the room he and Harry had spent the entire night together in. On the bed they had been one on, the bed Malfoy had given Harry a home for hours. Malfoy was now alone. Harry was now gone...

Harry now stood in the Gryffindor boy's bathroom. Once more far from home and himself for that matter. Just gazing. Gazing at himself in the mirror contemplating whether to return to his bed for a couple of hours; which involved not turning up for Snape's morning class which Harry wasn't bothered about. Or Harry could decide to jump into the shower, get dress and go to all his classes with a smile on his face; Yeah be the pretend Harry, Harry thought with a grimace expression on his face. All Harry could think about was Malfoy. Hating Malfoy. Loving Malfoy. Just Being With Malfoy. Hermoine, Ron and the rest of the people in Harry's life seemed to have slipped away from Harry's mind and world. Once more...

Harry had arrived back to his room about half an hour ago. He had creped out of his sleeping lover's room. Left him with a single kiss on the forehead and one final thought of thanks. Then opened the door and ran straight to his room on the other end of the tower. For Harry, this had become common practise, sneakily returning to his room that is. However this time, he was in a subtle emotional state unaware of anyone passing by. Even Crabbe and Goyle...

Harry still faced the mirror. It was 7:30 AM by his watch. Ron will be up in ten minutes, Harry thought. Harry then half smiled. Ron and lateness was like A,B,C. Ron couldn't help it. Ron was just...just Ron. That was what Harry once and occasionally now tried searching for within himself, the feeling that liked Ron for being just Ron. Harry and Ron along with Hermoine had become estranged; but not with one another. Harry honestly felt that it was him against Ron and Hermoine. That they had abandoned him. Betrayed him. Disowned him. In reality this was untrue, the three still talked to one another on a daily basis but Harry remained constantly distant from the other two. Seemingly somewhere else. Not with them. If I only I could tell them, Harry thought. Harry thought Ron and Hermoine a great deal, they were his family. You can't choose your family though, Harry thought. Ron and Hermoine and Harry used to be one. The three musketeers people used to call them. But now. Harry looked directly at the mirror and at himself. Everything has changed.

The bathroom door creaked open bringing more light to the dimly lit room. Harry turned around hoping that it was a Gryffindor boy who actually liked him; instead of the ones who whispered about him and his magical past continuously. Harry's eyes found a boy of average height with green eyes and ginger hair; Ronald Weasley. Harry's best friend and most trusted. Ironically Harry didn't trust Malfoy, the one person who Harry could appear naked and completely honest to was his most untrusted. The one person he spent his nights with and his days thinking about. Harry just wouldn't allow himself to trust Malfoy. Because that would be admitting that I'm like him, Harry thought before returning his attention to Ron. " Morning mate" Ron said with a half smile. " You're up early, what happened to you last night?, you never came to dorm. Is everythin-" Ron begun before Harry interrupted " I was in the library doing homework. All night finishing kind of paper". The lies rolled of Harry's tongue so easily. It was a skill, Harry had to admit to himself that he had honed excessively in the past couple of months. Well what else can I do? Tell Ron everything?. Harry thought. The way he would look at me if he only knew... Harry begun to trail off in his mind. Guilt swept over Harry, it felt like he was laughing at Ron and Hermoine. Keeping this great secret was so exalting, knowing that he was able to lead his life unquestioned was a blessing; but Harry was cutting himself off from everyone and only being honest with Malfoy. But it feels so good. Harry thought. I'm miserable but happy. " Yeah, Snape is being a right idiot with all this homework" Ron commented, but Harry wasn't really listening. "Yeah, yeah I know". Harry unknowingly replied. "Is everything okay, Harry?" Ron queried. As if you even care, Harry thought in his mind. You pretend like you care, but really you think I'm a lost cause whose self-hate is a cry out to the world. All I want is to be left alone. Anger reflected in Harry's eyes, anger turned into sadness and Harry's eyes became watery. Turning back to the bathroom mirror, but still watching Ron. "Yeah, everything is okay. It's just the normal stuff". Normal stuff in Harry's world equals depression, abuse, self-harm, lies, attempted suicide, pain filled sex and Malfoy in general. That was all Harry's life had become. All it had been for what seemed an eternity. But you know, Harry begun to think. Taking a long breathe. Boys Don't Cry...

"Come on you two, hurry up because I want to do a lot of eating this morning, I feel well hungry!". Ron shouted upwards to two people slowly trailing behind him. "More hungry, you completely wolf down everything, Ronald. If someone told me you were a pig I really wouldn't be surprised. A average height girl with brown hair; clutching a magical spells book that wasn't on the school's syllabus at all. "Oh shut it! Hermoine. You are your witty remarks. Wish breakfast would shut you up instead of me!". Hermoine lunged forward in anger, continuously smacking her book into Ron's head. "One more remark, and that is it-".Hermoine began. From further afar came a voice "Oh you two cut it out this instance or you will spend the rest of this term in my office. And you know what that means!". "Yes. Mrs McGonagall!!". The two entered the great room, that was filled with long wooden tables that appeared to expand forever. Students of all years and the four houses collectively sat consuming breakfast, whilst being the typical student. Harry hadn't realised that Ron and Hermoine had gone ahead until he was at the entrance of the great hall. Somehow it felt that even from a distance all eyes were upon him. I can't handle this, Harry screamed within himself. Harry tried each day to walk into the great hall without acknowledging the various stares and whispers he received from the students who still were wary of him after events of the past few months. Harry only had Ron and Hermoine and a few other Gryffindor house members that stood up for him when he came under verbal attack. And sometimes even they turn on me, Harry's mind begun to again trail. What makes it worse, when we aren't in your room in private, you treat me the worse out of everyone. You make me feel so inferior. Harry's thoughts were that of Malfoy's treatment of him in the public eye. Malfoy taunted Harry and continuously made it his business to ruin Harry, Ron and Hermoine's lives through any means necessary. And you tell me you love me?, Harry thought, resting his eyes upon Malfoy. Malfoy was aware of Harry's presence. Somehow whenever Harry was near Malfoy could sense him. Feel him. Some weird connection. The pain and guilt swelled in Malfoy's stomach. He hated to hurt Harry but, there was no buts that Malfoy could find. He enjoyed making Harry and his friends lives a complete misery. But I feel something for him. Malfoy admitted to himself. Harry made Malfoy crazy. Something about harry made Malfoy so envious of him. For a time now Harry had been in Malfoy's mind in a contorted way. A person of utter hatred yet twisted love. Harry's pain. Malfoy's pleasure. Harry's pleasure and supposed close friendship to Ron and Hermoine. Malfoy's jealousy. Malfoy's eyes rested upon Ron and Hermoine unaware of Harry's true feelings of them as Harry never talked about his life whilst around Malfoy. Just the pain and lonliness he felt and his hatred of what Malfoy had made him become.. If only those idiots knew what their saviour Harry was, the things he has done with me...It's only a matter of time now...


	5. My Skin Part I The View From In Here

Chapter Five: My Skin Part I – The View From In Here

Oh, I Need This...

_Fourteen Days Before, Three Hundred And Thirty Six Hours Earlier, Twenty Thousand One Hundred And Sixty Minutes Previously And One Million Two Hundred And Nine Thousand And Six Hundred Seconds Ago..._

Glaring into the night sky, at the beautiful stars, the passion in the sky, the moonlight that shone into his eyes, the feeling of life. Looking into the unknown, remembering everything, tears rolling down his face to silent cries for help. _Oh star, fall down on me, let me make a wish upon you..._Harry stood in the outskirts of Hogwarts castle, leaning on a stone wall. Staring into the night, memories washed his mind, too cruel to even to explain, to distant for him to even understand. Somehow Harry felt, where he was at this moment, he felt something. A motivation to act on his life. To, Harry grimaced. Find Peace...Voices swirled in Harry's mind, of his closets friends and those who opposed him at every corner of his life. Words couldn't explain how alone Harry felt. Hermoine and Ron had become a daily routine to him, a couple of smiles, light hearted conversation and childish arguments and his work with them was done. How come I can make them happy but not myself, Harry wondered. Insightful as he was, Harry often realised that, it was his fault he had become this way, people throughout his life had tried to be there for him, they may be a few, but in the end Harry would always, slip away. Harry murmured. Harry continuously felt like he was 'broken', not good enough to even breathe or desire the life he had. Because in the end, Harry felt everyone would leave him. Its true isn't it?, Harry justified to himself. Mum...Dad...Cedric...now Ron and Hermoine. Harry's eyes swelled with tears once more, he collapsed onto the floor in a bunch and completely broke down. Tears streamed down his face, he felt so alone, so far from where he wanted to be. Everyone hates me, I hear them speaking about me, spreading rumours that I hurt myself. Harry looked up at the moon and whispered.. But it is true. Maybe they are all right, Harry thought. Maybe...just maybe...Harry just sat there in complete silence, consoling himself, the pain strengthening more, his heart ached in every growing moment. His weakness became more apparent to him...his pity deepened. From afar, a voice called Harry's voice. It was Ron and Hermoine, searching for their dear friend. 'Harry, are you here, its Hermoine, just Ron and Hermoine, it is okay, you don't have to-' Hermoine began. At this point Harry had wiped the tears from his eyes and ran around the wall he had been laying on previously. Far from their eyes, Harry thought. 'I don't think he is here, why did we even come here?' Ron commented 'If Harry doesn't want to be found, then he won't be!'. 'Oh Ron, will you just be quiet and stop being so negative, Harry needs us, everybody knows about him, what he has been doing to himself-'. Hermoine screamed. 'I know, you don't have to remind me, I saw the looks they gave him, they are going to talk about him even more'. They, Harry thought. They ruined his world, made him cry. Made him spend endless nights in sorrow gazing into nothing for salvation. Made him cover his wrists with politely cuts to make him feel beautiful. They are the ones that know I am this cancer, that I am broken, Harry further thought. Deep down wanting his friends to find him, hoping that somehow with them everything might just be all right. If only. 'Harry, oh god, if you are there, just say something'. Harry's mouth began to open, but nothing came out. Just silence. Hermoine and Ron stood in mute conversation, unaware that their closet friend was so near but far to them. Harry stood watching them, desiring to be apart of their world so much. Tears once more streamed down his face. His hand slowly trailed from the stone wall he hide behind and Harry walks, alone, into a dark passage in the outskirts of the Hogwarts grounds. Unreachable...

Here in the dark, Harry semi smiled. In the dark passageway, walked a single person. Harry Potter. Who felt unbound to the world, yet not at all even here. Along empty corridors, Hogwarts appeared to be empty. Close to midnight after all, Harry pondered. Bet everyone is in their dorms talking about me. "Did you see his wrists?" "Is it really true that Dumbledore caught him doing it before, but kept it a secret?" "What problems could he possibly have, he is luckiest person I know of". Lucky huh?. Harry stopped in the corridor he was presently walking through. He could feel something. Hear someone. Feel someone's presence. Like he was being watched. Harry slowly spins around wanting to see who beholds him, who dares to interrupt his despair. Have Ron and Hermoine found me. Harry's mind entertained. Will they try and make everything better, pretend that I will be ok, and people won't stare about me, taunt me at every place I turn...Will they help me?. Harry honestly wanted an answer but received none. He wiped his eyes, the tears falling continuously, harder and harder, sobs emerged from Harry. Walking himself up the stairs, into Gryffindor boys dormitory. They all looked at him, they all stared, they all whispered. Their eyes were glued to Harry. Harry waited to be judged. For every cruel word to be placed upon him. But they just all stared. This angered Harry, the rage rose from his stomach into his throat and burnt him inwards. Hate flashed onto his eyes as he glared at his judges. "What the hell are you waiting for!". Harry screamed. "How dare any of you look at me like that! You don't understand anything, you walk about each day without a care in the world. Do you know how damn lucky you are!" Everyone remained silent. Harry couldn't take it much longer. The silence killed him more than anything...the shame that washed him with every single minute. "I can't do this...you people...I can't be here anymore...I just can't...even breathe!". Harry stands silently along with those opposite from him. Harry wipes his tears a further time. His chest beating more loudly, more painful. Breathes becoming more distant. Their eyes become more cruel. Harry turns, and flees from their world. From the persecution they place on him. Into the night. Into another world. Into him.

A Hogwart's bathroom on the fourth floor becomes Harry's haven for a while. Sitting in a mostly dark room, with a small glitter of light from the light bulb. Harry glares at a smashed bathroom mirror. The shards spread across the sink and floor. Harry broke the mirror. He burst into the bathroom with a massive rage. Kicked doors, banged windows, broke mirrors. The blood on his hands poured all the pain and sickness away from here. Somehow cleansing him from all that consumed him with hatred. It was a relief that was a blessing. Harry's eyes trail across the bathroom, onto the walls and finally they stop at the shards of glass. Inside his head he can hear voices. Yes that's it. Crawl to it. Pick it up. Create politely slit cuts on your wrists. Let the blood pour from you. Let it eradicate all your sins and pain. Let it set you free. Harry now held a sharp elongated shard of glass near his left arm. Pulling up his sleeves, to reveal a dozen slits and gashes. One final look at the shard of glass, reassuring himself that this was the right thing to do. Harry begin, slowly at first, then gradually faster and faster until the shard was covered with blood. The bathroom door slowly creaked upon. More light flashed into the bathroom. Onto Harry's face, the light stung his eyes but he could make out a shadow, a person. A boy. Ron?. Is that you. The blinding light ceased and Harry's eyes adjusted. It wasn't Ron. Oh how Harry had wished it was Ron. But in reality. It was Malfoy...


	6. My Skin Part II Blood Stained Words

Chapter Six: My Skin Part II – Blood Stained Words

You Better Shut Your Mouth, And Hold Your Breath, And Kiss Me Now, And Catch Your Death...

And there he stood, Draco Malfoy. Alone with Harry Potter. Malfoy's eyes trailed down Harry's body, over his blood stained arms, over his cold eyes. Blood covered Harry's hands whole, burning brightly like rubies. Harry's awkward and surprised expression met Malfoy. The one person that hated Harry had found where he was 'hiding'. What do you want? Harry softly spoke. Harry's voice didn't match his past feelings for Malfoy, of hatred and revulsion. Somehow Harry felt something, something different. A change in himself towards Malfoy as Malfoy looked down upon him, with a deep meaning to his eyes. Silence met both of them, somehow they were talking to each other without creating sentences, the looks at one another signified something. Malfoy trailed closer to Harry and stared at him more closely. Seemingly looking past the cuts, the depression, into Harry, into whatever Harry was behind all his pain. Harry felt his heart beating louder and louder, the beats sounding echoes throughout his whole body. Malfoy just looked at Harry, something so unimportant yet something to be so treasured. It had not been to long ago that they both taunted each other, days in fact, when Malfoy made fun of Harry and Harry made fun of Malfoy, they were enemies, weren't they?. But now, unexpectedly, everything had changed. But how? These questions populated Harry's mind. Malfoy was now right in front of Harry. Harry became rushed with confusion, he didn't understand any of this. He felt himself torn with himself, two different emotions battling one another. What was Malfoy doing to him?. The confusion overtook his beating heart, bubbling further and further before overflowing. Get away from me! Harry screamed. Is this some sick twisted joke that you and your idiotic mates have come up with?. You hate me or have you forgotten?. After everything you've said to me, Ron and Hermoine and you come here-. I don't get it, you, me – I don't get anything at the moment. But I know one thing for certain – you are. Malfoy broke Harry off. Harry, I'm sorry. Are you okay? I heard what happened. I just came to see-. Harry's confused expression grew further. Malfoy wasn't speaking like Malfoy. Was it some spell placed on him? Harry thought. Somehow Harry, deep inside, knew that it wasn't a spell and Malfoy wasn't acting. Malfoy had changed. But how? Harry slowly stood up, eyes still fixed on Malfoy. They had reversed positions, Malfoy now knelt on the floor looking up at Harry as if he were worshipping him. A chill transcended down Harry's back, making the hair on his back stand up. A spark engulfed his existence. Malfoy felt the same sensation. In the next few moments of silence, Harry's mind was filled with one thing.

_You are all I got..._

Shaking off his previous thoughts, Harry steps back from the situation, asserting himself from any possible connection with Malfoy. Harry's eyes focuses on everything except Malfoy, the ceiling, the window, the bathroom door, even the toilet itself, the silence shook Harry deep inside as he was so unsure of what was happening and what it all meant. The chill ran further across Harry's body as he tried to lose Malfoy from his mind, but it was impossible. He couldn't get rid of the image of the teenage, with his piercing eyes and blond hair. Harry wouldn't allow himself to acknowledge Malfoy who was still kneeling in front of him, still so lost for words. Harry's heart once more starts to beat louder like a drum, the beats become more constant and intolerable. Maybe, just maybe- Harry began in his mind but ceased the thought. Harry placed his cold eyes on Malfoy, and looked into Malfoy's piercing eyes. Harry's breathe juddered as his mind became engulfed with Malfoy. He couldn't allow it, but what was it? Harry thought once more. Why do I feel so close to-. Harry was cut off by the mention of his own name by Malfoy. Harry answered unsure 'Yes...actually no...you...what is the matter with you, you sitting here with poor psychopathic potter, that's what you called me yesterday, do you remember! And now, after everyone finding out what I did to myself and the stares', Harry becomes more frantic, more enraged as the mere thought of Malfoy burns his mind.'You come to me, you of all people who makes my life a misery, finds me when I'm all alone. Well let me tell you something. Yes I cut myself. But do you know what. It's all because I hate myself, but not just me, I also hate everyone, I hate this life, the naïve people who walk around everyday never understanding anything. The pain I-. Harry pauses before speaking once more. I hate YOU!'. Harry's eyes glare at Malfoy defiantly, Malfoy's eyes turn from passionate to, something all together different. Malfoy's face turns cold and disappointed, shook by Harry's display of hatred. Malfoy begins, Well do you know what! You are nothing but a spoilt little brat who is beyond the definition of selfish. Look at you, standing there moaning and complaining when you don't know anything. You make me sick-". Malfoy becomes interrupted with a deranged Harry. "Excuse me!" Harry screams, eyes glaring at Malfoy. Harry begins to speak once more "How dare you-". Before being silenced by Malfoy. "How dare I what? Speak the truth! Just because you are wrapped in your demented little bubble, doesn't mean you can't hear the truth you self-pitying wanker". Rage covers Harry's face, the anger seethes throughout his body, making him forget about anything else for the moment; focusing all his pain, hatred and torment on one single existence; Malfoy. "You must really hate me don't you?" Harry spits. "Look at you, judging me, speaking 'truth'. Well fuck you Malfoy, fuck you and your worthless opinion because it means nothing to me. Nothing!! Just like you and all those other people that everyone calls 'friends'. You people don't understand… you just…. Harry's eyes begin to swell with tears. All the negativity from Harry towards Malfoy draws back upon himself. It all returns, everything. Malfoy appears to want to say something, but declines from what he was about to say to Harry, ending his outburst towards Harry, preferring to merely gaze at Harry, speechless. Silence shrouds the room a further time, time prolongs with each second feeling like hours to both Harry and Malfoy. Neither of them knowing anything. No before, now or after. Just awkward looks at one another. Not of anger or hared. Of something else. Indefinable….

The tension brews for a while longer, Harry now completely thoughtless slumps downwards towards the cold bathroom floor. The blood from his wrists painting the wall he currently rests upon. Malfoy remains standing, continuing to watch Harry. Both of their eyes remain on each other, waiting for something, for anything. Harry, after a while manages a cold plea to Malfoy "Please, go…" Tears descend down Harry's face, his eyes still gazing at Malfoy, looking at what Malfoy was and what he wasn't. "Just go". Harry turns his face from Malfoy, resting his head on his blood stained wrists, wishing for rest, praying for peace. Malfoy doesn't react at all, but just watches Harry. So lost, so afraid, so nothing. Malfoy's thoughts become overshadowed with Harry's present state, at what Harry had become, what _everyone _had allowed Harry to become. Shame covers Malfoy, as a grimace spreads across his face caused by the thought "What I had allowed Harry to become". Possibly not directly, but by the daily torment and taunts on Malfoy's part towards Harry. Maybe, just maybe, after everything Malfoy had done to Harry in the past could have…no…Malfoy shook the idea off. That's impossible! Malfoy wasn't one for self-pity and insight, that's what made him different to Harry. That wasn't the only thing that made Malfoy different to Harry. "Malfoy…can you please leave me alone". However muffled Harry spoke it from his head in his hands, Malfoy still heard it and those simple words threw him inside. Rushed with confusion, Malfoy attempts to rid himself of his growing shame, refusing to sympathize with Harry any further. He doesn't deserve all this attention and…. Malfoy turns his back on Harry and rests his eyes on the shattered bathroom mirror, thinking to himself, this is all caused by Harry, the origins of everything that… Malfoy could still feel Harry's eyes on him, a sensation guided throughout Malfoy's being, a buzz that excited him in some twisted manner, the beginnings of an addiction. But… Malfoy's mind trailed off a further time. Forget it, Malfoy told himself. Just forget it. Brush it off. Walk away. And so he did, Malfoy slowly turns his back from towards Harry, and gazes at Harry one final time. Their eyes do not meet eachother. Whilst walking to the bathroom door Malfoy continues to question himself over everything… coming to a conclusion. _He makes me so crazy…_. Clutching the doorknob, each process taking longer, for Malfoy was waiting, waiting for something, anything. Abuse, smiles, even a rendition of a Slytherin song. But nothing. As Malfoy slowly opens the door and begins to walk out, he walks out on Harry, on what could have been, on what was. From his world into another. And whilst Malfoy walks slowly out the door into the darkness of Hogwarts at night, there remains Harry. Slumped on the bathroom floor, still, as he had been for a while now. Suddenly with Malfoy absent, movement finds Harry. From his head held in his hands to looking around the bathroom once more before his encounter with Malfoy. Harry stares at the broken mirror, as Malfoy previously just did and stares for a short time. Before gazing downwards at the floor, at the dozens of shattered pieces of broken glass covering the floor. And a single razorblade…

One final thought finds Harry whilst he stretches towards the single razorblade, as if it were the resolution for the world's problems and wonders…

The same final thought finds Malfoy as he stalks the dark corridor, contemplating what to do, how he feels. What Harry was presently doing now he was gone…

_Somehow, all of a sudden, I'm wanting you…_


	7. My Skin All I've Got, Don't Hold Back

Chapter Seven: My Skin Part III – All I've Got, Don't Hold Back

And If He Sees Me, I Can't Breathe, Is This The First Time Or The Last Time?, But If He Helps Me I Can Feel...

Somehow, all of a sudden, I'm wanting you. The single thought revolved around Harry's mind again and again. Minutes faded into the night quickly, with Harry staring at the single razorblade clutched in his firm gripped hand. Not to cut his wrists, but to go that one step further. To finally realise what was the right thing to do, albeit in his mind. To end it all. To at last...

Somehow, all of a sudden, I'm wanting you. The same thought as Harry flourished in Malfoy's mind, being met with alternative feelings of confusion, embarrassment, shame, revulsion, desire and interest. Malfoy now stood in the dark corridor that led to the bathroom Harry remained in, it had been about thirty minutes since Malfoy had walked out on Harry. Malfoy, who wouldn't admit it to himself felt like it was a lifetime. But what does that mean? Malfoy pondered. Does it have to mean something? Thoughts in Malfoy's mind searched for an answer, with the resolution to it all distant from where Malfoy stood, as where Malfoy was only where the darkness entertained. Malfoy's mind flashed onto the image of Harry, how he looked when he had last seen him. Malfoy wanted to know what Harry was now doing, but just couldn't bring himself to enter the bathroom once more, the curiosity further grew, along with the pain and bliss met with the thought of Harry in Malfoy's life. To ease the pain and curb his various thoughts Malfoy searched deep into his pockets for something. After a short time, finding what he was looking for, a cigarette and lighter, Malfoy lighted up the cigarette and felt his body numb with each breathe he inhaled. At the moment this was all Malfoy had, the nicotine and tobacco exhilarated Malfoy. It exalted his mind, spasms his muscles and warms his body. Somehow, Malfoy felt something powerful from each intake of nicotine, he found a deep mellow feeling inside himself that eased him. It was an addiction. One of his addictions. Without them, Malfoy felt ordinary, he needed the alcohol, drugs and sex to make him better than everyone. To get the reputation he had as a bad boy. But there was a lot more than popularity to it, Malfoy genuinely liked finding pleasure through pain, it excited him, it aroused and exhilarated him whole. But Malfoy's desires continued to expand, the moon from outside shone harder and eclipsed the dark corridor with acute light. The light shone brightly on Malfoy's face, his beautiful pale skin welcomed the moonlight, his eyes lighted up with excitement and the thoughts of different possibilities. A taste for a new sensation, A taste for him.

The razorblade remained firmly clutched within the palm of Harry's hand, the streams of blood wept from his slit hand. No emotion appeared from Harry. No pain. No pleasure. Absolutely nothing. Just breathes, deep breathes that echoed throughout the room. Louder and louder, the pressure of everything weighted against Harry, it fuelled the pain causing him to continue to hold the razorblade and to also entertain the ideas of making a move. But in his mind, one thing for certain, all the negativity of Harry's life had been shadowed by the single thought of a person, a boy. Malfoy. Harry couldn't understand why but he felt the burning desire to just be in Malfoy's presence, to look upon him with anything that met his satisfaction and just...just what? Harry pondered. Was Harry slowly turning insane or was he realising something that had been there since the beginning. No, Harry thought, its utter madness, the thought of Malfoy, his hair, his eyes, his face. All of it. It's wrong. He's wrong, and that's why I hate him. Harry thought. But do I really?. Two different voices battled in Harry's head over the issue of Malfoy, neither knowing the true resolution or explanation, except Harry himself. As Harry knew the truth, he felt it in his heart, and it threw him each time he uttered it within himself, there wasn't pain, there was something else, something new and Harry had never felt this before. Harry was beyond all reason of understanding this, the only matter that was understandable to Harry was the razorblade and what it would bring. The end. Harry released his sharp grasp on the razorblade, and continued to stare at it, at the blood that circled around the razorblade and dripped onto the floor. Just Beautiful. Harry thought. The sensation it brought, an entrance to a trance no other could possibly feel, not even with the assistance of alcohol or drugs. But this was Harry's alcohol, his drug. His addiction. And this was the night that it would reach its peak.

A taste for him, Malfoy admitted to himself, once and once alone that it was true. But should I act upon this, Malfoy played with this idea for several minutes. He hated Harry with all his heart, or so he thought, for all these years he had despised Harry for everything he was and what he represented; Goodness. When Malfoy had heard the gossip about Harry, something deep within him found the urge to explore the entire Hogwart's grounds for Harry, with not even Malfoy understanding why. It feels like I'm two people. Malfoy thought to himself, showing similar insightful characteristics like Harry. I hate him. But I-. Malfoy halted the thought. Focusing on trying to extract anything Harry related from his mind. But seeing Harry hunched on the bathroom floor changed everything in Malfoy's world about Harry. The sight of the blood as it slowly gushed out of Harry's veins to no outburst or pain. There was nothing, but complete coldness. A broken person. Malfoy's heart ached at the mere thought, his mind tried to blacken out the feeling of wanting to make everything better for Harry, as it was too unnatural and inappropriate. But why..., the same continuous thought circled in Malfoy's mind. The insight finally reached a climax for Malfoy, this desire for Harry meant something, this new acquired taste for this addiction, it couldn't be denied. Even as much Malfoy wanted it to be, he couldn't help becoming filled with shame. Insight was followed by resolution. I must act on this, Malfoy simply whispered. Turning his attention back to the direction of the bathroom, Malfoy found strength within himself, slowly stepping forward, awaiting Harry's presence, becoming aroused sightly more as he crepped towards the bathroom door. All had faded away to Malfoy, the moonlight which had accompanied him thus far, the thought of all his friends and family and the decision to begin a secret that no other dare find out or whisper even by themselves. Now inches from the door, Malfoy halted and smiled. Rushed with burning sensations that heightened his being. All because of one person. Harry Potter. Malfoy once more grasped the door knob, but this time not to walk out of Harry's world, but to walk into it and remain there. For this night at least.

Harry heard the door slowly creep open, had Ron and Hermoine finally found their dear friend? Or something worse?. Curiosity and anxiousness consumed Harry as he awaited his new guest. His eyes transfixed to the door, as the person entered, firmly closing the door behind them. Shutting out everything except themselves and Harry. Malfoy? Harry softly spoke. What are you...?. But Harry already knew the answer, deep down inside, he felt it, his grip still remaining on the razorblade, which now settled on the left side of his throat. Don't react, Harry told himself. Just wait, wait for him to... Before Harry's thought ended Malfoy stepped before Harry, shocked at what Harry was about to do to himself; slit his throat, to end it all. Tension entertained the room for a brief second, before Malfoy began "Don't, Harry just don't". Harry, surprised by these words simply spoke without emotion "But why, why would you even care?. We hate each other don't me?". The time for hate between them had since past, just like the moon would in a matter of hours. Still with the razorblade at this neck, Harry reasoned with Malfoy " But I can't do this anymore, this life, everything it's just so...I can do this, I can make this all go away. Please". Harry pleaded with not just Malfoy but himself also. Justifying his actions. "No, I can't let you, I just, what is the matter with you?". Malfoy interrogated. "You pretend that your life is so perfect, but then you abuse yourself, you lie to your friends. Why do this to yourself?". Malfoy continues. Harry replies, truthfully "Because that's all I got". "No it is not, You've got-". Malfoy states before interrupting himself. "Admit it, you like pain, you like the hate, you seek and gain some twisted pleasure from it, don't you?!". Harry, immediately, outraged by Malfoy's accusation retorts "No, no that's not true. You don't know the first thing about me!". Malfoy begins "Are you sure? Because it doesn't seem like that from here, everything you do to yourself its eating you away, day by day, minute by minute. YOU are killing yourself not anyone else!. Everyone has problems, everyone suffers, it's not just you. This world is fucked up, or haven't you noticed!. But we all still have to live in it. But you just want to what? Make it all go away. Make it easier on yourself. You are so selfish and weak. Poor fuckin' Potter!. You disgust me". Malfoy couldn't help how he felt, as much as he wanted to comfort Harry he couldn't bring himself to it, he wouldn't allow it, Malfoy realised Harry was drowning right infront of him in his own pity and despair, and it pained Malfoy a further time. Each time he looked at Harry it all weighted on Malfoy's shoulders. Somehow he understood Harry, in one perverse way he got it, he just got it. Harry outraged by Malfoy's last statement begins to prepare himself for another argument with Malfoy. Parting his lips to place every cruel word conceivable onto Malfoy. However, he is halted by Malfoy's plea "So what about Ron and Hermoine, have you thought about-". Malfoy continues before being interrupted by Harry "No, don't you bring them into this, don't you dare, just don't-". Emotion seethes from Harry and tears appear in his eyes, yet his clutch on the razorblade does not lighten. In all of this, Harry hadn't once thought about Ron and Hermoine, in his mind he envisioned them finding out about his death and knew that they would grieve and people would sympathize them. Time would pass and they would all forget about Harry, but not Hermoine and Ron, Harry thought to himself. They would continue to dwell in their memories of Harry. Never recovering the loss of their dearest friend.

But that's not enough. It's just not enough. I'm not like them, they have a future for themselves, I have nothing. Except this razorblade. This is all I got...

"Harry, Harry"!. Malfoy breaks Harry's train of thought "You haven't considered how they would feel have you!. How I would -". Malfoy stops himself a further time. Its for the best, Malfoy wonders. But that was untrue and Malfoy accepted this. Malfoy guides himself closer to Harry, accepting Harry for what he was and finally entering his world. Harry resumed talking unaware of Malfoy's thoughts "I just can't do it anymore, it's to hard, I won't let myself...". Harry in a final decision, prepares himself. To do it, to end it all. Staring at Malfoy, he begins to cut, softly at first, feeling the pressure of the razorblade against his skin and the letting of blood slowly mellow himself, waiting for the end of the pain and freedom at last. However he is halted by his attempt. "No, I can't let you". Malfoy screams as he lunges towards Harry and tries to grab the razorblade. Harry adamant on his plan tries to fight Malfoy off, a scuffle beings with Harry shouting "Get off me" and Malfoy pleading "No, no no!". Playing out for less than ten seconds with one being the victor. The razorblade is flung across the bathroom floor, out of Harry's possible reach. Malfoy clutches Harry by his hands and brings him to his feet and then slams him against the wall. His actions ultimately for the best. Harry still not defeated, tries to throw Malfoy off, trying to flail his arms so he can grab the razorblade and resume. Malfoy doesn't allow this. Harry becomes more emotional and starts attacking Malfoy, trying to punch him and remove him from his ultimate goal; Death. "I hate you, I fucking hate you!". Harry screams at the top of his voice with tears rolling down his face. "Just leave me alone you bastard. Just-!". "No, I'm not letting you do this". Malfoy pleads. Harry continues his abuse towards Malfoy "I fucking hate you so much, I fuckin"- Malfoy still holding Harry in place, just stares at Harry trying to understand and resolve the dilemma. Malfoy's eyes find themselves onto Harry's mouth, at his beautiful lips. And in that moment, that single moment he makes his decision, the decision which would change the both of their lives, forever. Justified by Malfoy's last thought. It's for the best. I want this. I can't not. Malfoy leans in, whilst Harry continues his anger outburst "Let me go now, let me-" and presses his lips onto Harry's. This silences Harry immediately and the bathroom becomes dead without noise. Malfoy continues to kiss Harry, faster and faster, more sensual more sexual. Craving for Harry's touch for so long, yet it was unknown to him. At last, Malfoy thinks. Harry rushed with excitement and confusion doesn't fight nor scream, he just embraces Malfoy, grasping eachother's hands as they become entwined. And in the passing minutes, Harry accepts Malfoy, all the anger and bitterness towards Malfoy and Harry's own life disappears.

More more more, I want to feel. Make me feel. I want you. I want you...

Harry clinging onto Malfoy now harder, gains the advantage and breaks free from Malfoy's embrace. Malfoy caught offguard falls backwards by Harry's determination and strength, slamming into the broken bathroom sink with a loud thud. Now parted from one another, after Malfoy consumed his burning craving for Harry, the two separated glare at each other, breathing more deeply and more heavily. Harry places his hands over his mouth and trails his fingers over his lips. Shocked at what has just occurred, but not ashamed or dismissive of it. Malfoy unsure of Harry's possible reaction continues to be silent and awaits Harry's next move. Will he welcome me once more? Or will he scream at me and tell everyone what I did?. Malfoy uncertain of himself, is transfixed to where he is. Desiring Harry to...welcome me...Harry still quite continues to trail his fingers over his lips whilst breathing more heavily. Growing increasingly excited. Aroused. Addicted. Alive. The two are alone with eachother, the rest of the world meaning nothing at this point. Harry in his mind replays the events of the past minute still staring at Malfoy. Harry makes his decision. Harry advances forward to Malfoy. Knowing. Knowing finally...

I want to feel. And you can make me...

Harry halts an inch infront of Malfoy's face. And steps in to kiss him once more. Yes, Malfoy. Harry decides to himself. Yes. Malfoy aroused and excited about Harry's choice also makes no comment or arrogant remark replies with further kisses on to Harry. His lips. His cheek. His neck. Yes, Malfoy, Yes. The taste of Malfoy infected Harry's entire system, he could taste the cigarettes and alcohol in his mouth and it aroused him more and more. The hair on the back of his neck stood on spikes as he continued to embrace Malfoy more and more as each minute pasted. The two realised what they had been searching for the entire night. Harry had found his saviour. Malfoy comforted Harry, made him feel, awakened his numb body and filled his entire existence with bliss. Seconds passed, prolonging into minutes. Until the two ceased, smiling at one another. Malfoy with a satisfied and smug expression and Harry with a pleased one. Harry's grin remained. The two talking to each other with their eyes. Malfoy leans his head slightly towards the direction of the bathroom door, suggesting to Harry that they leave the bathroom and find another place. To continue. A place where there was a bed. Where the two could be more intimate. Where they could have sex. Malfoy reaches out his hand to Harry and Harry immeditately grabs it, looking at Malfoy one final time. Assuring him that this was it. This was their night. He had saved him. Made him feel alive. Made him beautiful. And as the two trailed out of the bathroom, rushing through the dark corridor they passed the final hours of moonlight as it shone on the pair. Malfoy and Harry paced through Hogwarts where they reach Malfoy's bedroom door in only a matter of moments. They enter, rushing inside both craving for what will occur next. And as the moonlight shone on the pair, Malfoy guides Harry to his bed with all his attention targeted at Harry. Malfoy couldn't believe what was happening, couldn't understand it either. But fuck it, he thought. Harry on the other hand, silently was ecstatic and wishes for Malfoy's scent and taste once more. I don't care if this is wrong. I want him. I don't know how, but I want Malfoy. The softness of his hand made Harry feel protected, understood and loved. And so the two finally found themselves at the bottom of Malfoy's bed, with a final stare at the moonlight as it shone brightly from outside; Harry and Malfoy gaze at each other, caressed each other's faces and prepare themselves. For the first consummation of their new addiction. For this was their night. And their night alone...


	8. My Skin Part IV Addictions

Chapter Eight: My Skin Part IV – Addictions

And in the darkness of the night, two existences cling onto one another. Staring deeply into the others eyes. Realising, at last...

The moon from outside shone harder on Malfoy and Harry, silhouetting themselves on Malfoy's wall. Malfoy's arm rested on the back of Harry's neck, and with his hand slowly caressed Harry's neck. Sensations engulfed Harry whole, drowned completely in the surge of lust within himself. Each of Malfoy's touches perked Harry up inch by inch, the hair on his neck spiked, goosebumps covered his skin. And Harry knew, that somehow he felt something.

But I want more. I want you now...

Harry stared once more and nodded his head slightly at Malfoy. And what would become the night that was theirs began. Malfoy reached into embrace Harry once more, finding his hands moving from his neck downwards towards the middle of Harry's back, where they rested for the time being. Harry on the other hand, cupped Malfoy's head, drawing him deeper, closer, nearer to Harry's lips. Each kiss more fierce and passionate. The two fixated with one another, expelling anyone and everything else.

More, More, More. I can feel it. Don't ever stop...

Now Harry in Malfoy's tight embrace further kissed Malfoy, burning for his touch more with each kiss, the taste of Malfoy infecting his whole system. His mouth. His tongue. His throat. His mind. His heart. Harry never let go of Malfoy, pressing him closer to him. Malfoy feeling entirely the same also grabbed Harry much harder, his strength seducing Harry that much more. The possibilities of what will occur played out in both of their minds. The two part for a second. Gazing again once more. Loud breathes from both. Inhale. Exhale. More. More. More. Malfoy trails his finger across Harry's lips, Harry parts his lips and playfully bites on Malfoy's finger. The two now sick of child games make their move. Malfoy once more kisses Harry but much harder, leaving marks on his neck, cheek and lips. Harry partial to pleasure through pain accepts this. Welcomes it. And with that reaches for Malfoy's shirt and gradually unbuttons it. Malfoy just smiles. Desiring for Harry so much. Malfoy's shirt is flung across the room in a split second. Now, Malfoy half naked, Harry moves his left hand and rests it upon Malfoy's chest. The echo of Malfoy's heartbreak banged against his hand, Harry impressed by Malfoy's lust and determination excites Malfoy by trailing his hand downwards. Over his nipple over the grooves of his six pack. Harry's hand halts at his jeans. Harry lifts his head and finds Malfoy staring at him, craving for him. The sensation and lust builds in the both of them. And then erupts.

Harry grabs Malfoy by the scruff of his neck and draws him to Harry as he lies himself on Malfoy's bed. As Malfoy finds himself ontop of Harry, he kisses him more and more. Undoing Harry's shirt buttons also, as quickly as possible, whilst Harry embraces Malfoy and scratches the skin on Malfoy's back; which only arouses him further. Harry's fingers and nails claws at Malfoy's back with scratches being left behind; with no flinch of pain or being bothered from Malfoy. Malfoy pursues Harry harder and faster, invading his entire space, opening up his world to one person. Malfoy moves to Harry's lips and bits on them hard, digging his teeth deeply into them so that they draw blood. This parts Harry's eyes wide as the pain of it pleasured him so more, he demanded in his mind for Malfoy to do it again. Harry could feel his breathe heaving and silent moans escaping from up his throat through his mouth. Malfoy's back was no embezzled with marks completely. Harry now half naked, alike Malfoy, feels Malfoy's warm body ontop of him, his nipple pressing onto his nipple, Malfoy's six pack penetrating Harry's stomach with its firmness. Malfoy continuing to kiss Harry's neck, leaving lovebites as he gradually moves downwards. Kissing Harry's throat. His nipple. His stomach. His waist. Halting at his jeans of which the belt he hungrily grabs at, requiring Harry's erection as soon as possible. Harry aware of this simply answers "Faster faster, I want you-". Malfoy fulfilling Harry's request unbuttons Harry's belt and pulls down his jeans. Harry now only in his boxers stares at Malfoy still half naked. No you don't, Harry thought to himself. Malfoy noticing this smirks and takes hold of Harry's hands, and begins to guide them to Malfoy's jeans, of which they both hurriedly on do. Both of them breathing heavier and heavier. Then everything falls dead.

This is it. I'm ready. I've waited so long. Don't hold back...

Harry awaits for Malfoy to do something. And Malfoy does, much to Harry's happiness. Malfoy forcefully pushes Harry onto the bed, kissing his stomach hard, moving downwards to his underwear. Malfoy takes his hand and caress his hand up Harry's leg up into his underwear, finding Harry's erected penis; Malfoy playfully touches it, moving his hand up and down slowly at first then faster. Harry becomes more erected at each of Malfoy's touches. Still holding Harry's penis, Malfoy guides it through the hole in Harry's underwear, it poking out infront of both Harry and Malfoy. Harry blushes at this, not believing at all that of all people he was going to have sex with, it would be Malfoy. Malfoy stares once more, smiles and smirks at Harry with a smug expression and places his mouth around Harry's penis. Harry lets out a moan and a satisfied sigh, watching Malfoy as he embarks upwards and downwards, sucking and licking his penis in such a adequate manner. Harry had to admit to himself, it felt wonderful, Malfoy was really talented. Your big mouth finally has a use, Harry said to himself and then silently laughed. Harry places his hand on the back of Malfoy's head and fiddles with his blond hair as Malfoy continues oral sex, enjoying himself the entire time. This goes on for a number of minutes with only Harry, Malfoy and the moon present. Harry now more confident during this time guides Malfoy, pushing and pulling his head up and downwards, finding the best way to satisfy himself through Malfoy's oral sex. Now in a sexual trance, Harry leans back and just watches Malfoy continue, becoming more aroused at the dedication Malfoy seemed to have at satisfying Harry. But Harry craved more. And Malfoy knew this. With one more final sigh from Harry, Malfoy lifts back up his head and licks his lips. Obviously satisfied with Harry's penis and the desire to use it a great deal more. Malfoy winks at Harry and places his hand inside his own underwear and pulls out his erected penis, which was more endowed than Harry's, of which he noticed and mentally commented on. Malfoy stretches out his hand and pulls Harry to him, forcefully making Harry wrap around his mouth on Malfoy's penis. In his mind Malfoy commented, come on what the fuck are you waiting for?. Harry grabbing a hold of Malfoy's penis asserts himself and returns the sexual favour. Harry tries to reconstruct the technique that Malfoy used on him but knew he wasn't a professional at oral sex, he had never done it before. Except for...Harry thought to himself. Nevermind. Harry brushed the idea from his mind focusing on Malfoy's penis and how long and erected it was. Beginning to become comfortable Harry lets himself go, sucking, licking, blowing. He feels himself trying everything he could possibly wanted. Trailing his tongue up, down and around Malfoy's penis for some time. Much to Malfoy's pleasure who moans, but not loudly. Unbeknownst to him, Malfoy half satisfied with who he was getting oral sex from grins greatly. Who would of thought. Malfoy though to himself. The great Harry Potter, who I hate, and who hates me would be sucking my cock. Not that he is that talented now. But he will get better. He will do. Mark my words. Malfoy leans backwards onto the bed, which causes Harry to adjust himself onto all fours in order to continue Malfoy's blowjob. Any other would find Harry's position degrading. On all fours much like a slave. Much like a dog. But not Harry. For the time he enjoyed the feeling. Of being sexually used, abused and manipulated. And he hadn't even begun.

I'm willing to do anything with you to feel...

Presently, Malfoy still enjoying Harry's blowjob and the satisfaction he gained from seeing Harry on all fours blowing his penis, lay on his bed resting his head on the palms of his hands, with his elbows sticking out with a arrogant expression on his face and a massive smile. For Malfoy this was an exalting experience, it nurtured his ego and widened the size of his head, and it being Harry also was a bonus. Much like Christmas, Malfoy thought to himself. But that was just the typical side of Malfoy speaking, the one everyone had learned to hate. But the other side of Malfoy welcomed this addiction of Harry, wanted him so much, each of Harry's touched aroused him into a sexual trance that surged throughout his body, caused muscle spasms and continuous shudders each time Harry was intimate with him. But Malfoy wouldn't let Harry know that. Never, Malfoy thought to himself. I'm a bad boy, I'm not wimping up now. Harry had been silent for sometime as he continued to pleasure Malfoy, ironically it had been him that had given oral sex out of the two the longest. Harry thought to himself that he rather over do it then under do it. I want to be good at this after all. Harry thought to himself. The more I do it, the better I feel. Satisfaction. Bliss. Aroused. Lustful. Touchable. Loved...Harry's mind sped of. He had been interrupted by a moan from Malfoy, and as Harry lifted himself up from Malfoy's penis he realised the position Malfoy lay and the expression on his face. Malfoy simply winked at Harry and playfully smirked. Harry on the other hand wanted to wipe that fat grin of his face.

I'll make you smile, I'll make you smile, and grin, and moan, and scream, and -.

Harry was interrupted as Malfoy began to rise from laying down, crouching up infront of Harry. Malfoy lurks towards Harry's face and stops right infront of him, then with his hand lunges past Harry, seemingly fiddling for something under his bed. Harry at the moment is excited by what Malfoy might bring out, and the fact that Malfoy was right ontop of Harry was perfect, their penis's touching one another, erecting more. All this time, Malfoy glared at Harry's into his eyes, occasionally making guttural noises at the effort he was making at his search. Harry, as per usual just breathed, enjoying the sexual trance Malfoy had placed him in. This carried on for less than twenty seconds and a flash of victory appeared on Malfoy's face. Found it, he spoke playfully to Harry. Found what? Harry replied with curiosity and horniness. His question went unanswered as Malfoy showed what he had found. It was two things as a matter of fact. Harry understood the first one.

Condoms? Okay. That's a vital. But...

Harry's attention found the other object which Malfoy dangled in his hand waiting for an reaction from Harry. But momentarily he was puzzled.

Handcuffs?

But this was only momentarily...

Harry played with the idea in his mind for a number of seconds, feeling slightly degraded by contemplating allowing Malfoy to use his handcuffs on him. But, Harry thought to himself. Its something new and different. And I don't know, I want him to-. I'm curious. Malfoy silently still clutching the handcuffs motions towards Harry which reawakens him. The two stare at one another, Malfoy with question in his eyes and Harry with the answer to that question. And with that, the answer divulged from Harry to Malfoy, Malfoy once more entered Harry's space, continuing to kiss him hard as he had previously done before. Harry desperately wanting Malfoy tries to keep up, outmatched by Malfoy's sexual talents and energy. The two guide one another so that they lay horizontally, with their heads at the top of Malfoy's bed near the bed's headboard. Still kissing one another they fiddle with eachother's underwear until both pairs are thrown across the bedroom. Malfoy stops for a moment, much to Harry's distress who sighs in bewilderment. Malfoy caress Harry's left hand and forcefully lifts it up, the pain immediately shocks Harry, who thoughts beg Malfoy to hurt him much harder. And in that second of Harry's thought, Malfoy with the help of his handcuffs binds and locks Harry to his headboard. First the left hand. Then the right hand. Completely bounded down. Harry doesn't even flinch slightly or display signs of distress, just pleasure and lust for the boy who presently comforted him.

This is exactly where I want to be. Bounded down. To this body. To the world. To you...

Harry's mind once a sea of thoughts lies completely empty except of one thought. Of him. Malfoy. The two now naked in the flesh, bearing themselves to another kiss once again. The lust burning and fuelling all their touches as the passion gets harder and harder. Until. Until Malfoy pulls himself upwards, eyes totally focused on Harry. As if saying "This is for you" in all of his actions. Grasping Harry's erected penis, Malfoy guides it inside his backside until he implements it inside the correct hole. And then time stops, the two moan in sync with one another. Harry immediately clings to Malfoy's chest and nipples with various kisses and licks, yet still bounded to Malfoy's bed. Malfoy now in his sexual trance grabs his own throat, stroking it soft as first and then harder as if trying to release an eruption from inside his body. Harry's and Malfoy's eyes meet, and in that significant moment the two understand one another. Finding what they had been looking for, even if it was in the most unlikeliest of places. But what does this mean, Harry tried to think to himself. Remaining focused on Malfoy's beautiful body and the fact that he was inside of him. All other thoughts fading away from his mind; as they were irrelevant. Malfoy motions himself upwards and downwards, using Harry's erection to the best of his advantage, breathing and moaning in pleasure and cries of happiness. Malfoy bites his lip to further satisfy himself whilst circling his hands around Harry's chest. Pressing down with all his strength to compensate the feeling Harry was giving him. Malfoy had to admit to himself, the sensation Harry had on him was new and-. Wonderful, Malfoy thought to himself. I feel like I'm becoming addicted to you. The way you make me feel, the way you-. Malfoy snapped out of his thought due to Harry's loud moan that echoed throughout the room. The pressure of their intimacy played and drained the two participants. But they were both far from finished. Malfoy closed his eyes and felt himself flying, through everything. Being the origins and the basis of the world. The cause of natural disasters and death. He could feel himself hearing all, the whispers from around Hogwart's from students and teachers to the crawling of cockroaches and maggots underneath the ground. Totally connected.

And it's all because of you. I've never felt like this with anyone ever before. But I'll never tell...

Malfoy thought to himself as he opened his eyes and stared at Harry, whom met Malfoy's eyes and smiled, trailing his hands along Malfoy's all the time. The two acted as if they had been lovers for some time, but in reality they had been bitter enemies. And still were. Harry began to become uncomfortable with the handcuffs starting to chaff his wrists. But this is what I wanted, Harry thought to himself. Malfoy obliviously to Harry's mental discussion to himself continues to embark up and downwards, focusing only on Harry and no other. Malfoy starts to claw at Harry's chest, scratching and digging at Harry's skin until it reddened and drew acute drops of blood. Harry moans in pain, but doesn't ask Malfoy to halt in anyway; enjoying the effect of Malfoy on himself. Inside himself, Harry screams more more more, and Malfoy somehow picks up and this and begins to increase the pain upon Harry. It seems like he knows what I'm thinking, Harry dictates to himself. He understands me. Malfoy lets out one last moan and perches himself up from Harry's penis, but still leaves Harry bounded down. Malfoy seductively advances towards Harry, which Harry welcomes a great deal. Malfoy grabs a hold of the handcuffs tying Harry down and releases him from them. A surge of energy pollutes Harry and he grabs Malfoy, much to his surprise and reverses their positions. Now Malfoy was on the bottom. And Harry was on top. All of a sudden the lust within Harry had overflown and he was ready to do as he wished with Malfoy. Staring down at Malfoy who lay looking back stroking himself and suggesting further use of the handcuffs, Harry had the control; and he would definitely use it. "Tell me you want me", Harry softly spoke, the answer once before literally important to his existence but now irrelevant as he knew the answer. "Never-". Malfoy playfully spoke back to Harry whilst sticking his tongue out and licking his lips. Harry aroused by his answer, immediately grabs hold of the handcuffs and locks Malfoy to the bed. Malfoy only smiles and smirks seductively, awaiting whatever Harry was going to do to him. Harry, showing characteristics commonly found in Malfoy, grasps Malfoy by the hair forcefully and pulls at it. Malfoy quickly seethes from the pain and desires Harry to hurt him more. Harry invades Malfoy's space, becoming practically nose to nose, and starts nibbling his ear. Harry releases sighs and moans whilst Malfoy bits on his lips and kisses Harry's chest. Harry satisfied with Malfoy's ear pushes Malfoy from his chest, slamming his head onto his pillow, which causes Harry to simply smile. Malfoy now more aroused becomes erected further, fixated by the new Harry which he had unleashed. Now its the turn of Harry to grab Malfoy's penis and place it inside his anal hole. Slow at first, but gradually, with time and confidence Harry rides Malfoy, they both moan continuously much to Malfoy's surprise. This new Harry, not seen before even shocks Malfoy, who isn't easily impressed. Was this in him all along? Malfoy thinks to himself. Because wow... Harry pulls at Malfoy's chest as he tries to lift himself up closer to Harry, each turn Malfoy is halted and forced back down. The satisfaction implodes within Harry, he was in complete control and loved it all. How Malfoy was making him feel. So new. So wonderful. Harry was fascinated and a slave to this addiction; Malfoy. As Malfoy's penis delved deeper within Harry, Harry screamed louder and louder, each moan echoed throughout the room. The feeling becoming sexually unbearable causes Harry to gaze at the ceiling and continue to straddle Malfoy who moans and cries with pleasure at every motion of Harry's body. The ceiling in Harry's mind becomes the night sky, the stars shining brightly and the moon beaming down brilliantly, highlighting Harry's naked body in a sexual aura. Harry starts to sway uncontrollably as the pleasure of Malfoy builds further in his being. Left, right. Harry felt like his head was spinning around on itself, this surge of sex couldn't be tamed. It was the naked truth. It was raw.

He is inside of me. God he is inside of me. I can feel it, I can feel him. I can feel myself. I can feel everything...

Harry moans gigantically. If he were in a house made of glass it would have shattered from the sound. The ground would have shaken. The glass would have broken into tiny segments. Leaving only Malfoy and Harry in the debris continuing their conquests on one another. Harry still swaying does so for a number of minutes with only Malfoy and his body on his mind. All the sex, pain, isolation and troubles of his life build up inside of Harry, higher and higher, heightening himself higher than before. Completely superior to his own previously inferior existence. With Malfoy's touch satisfying him whole, making him feel what he has never done before in his entire life. Harry's surrenders his entire existence and places it in Malfoy's possession. Harry's world had found someone, something he had craved for so long and was the basis of his pain. I'm with you, Harry thought to himself. I can feel, I can belong, to the world, to your body. At last. And it was at that moment that Harry clenched his body, his mind raced, his heart pounded and his muscles shook. Harry felt himself floating, above everything, there was no weight of the world upon his shoulders. He was truly free. Harry felt himself becoming more animalistic as he swayed and rocked Malfoy harder, who shook and moaned due to Harry's movement. Harry wanted to consume Malfoy, devour him. He wanted Malfoy and Malfoy alone. Harry could feel the sweat dripping down from his forehead onto Malfoy's bare chest, he lent forward and slowly kissed and licked Malfoy's chest. Malfoy let out the briefest of moans and felt himself spasm and overflow. The surge of it all climaxed within himself. And Harry was there also as he lifted himself up one final time and roared. He was beautiful, he was wanted. He belonged. The final moan left Harry as he couldn't embark no further, the roar turned into a moan and lasted for a whole minute. The moan turned into a scream of Malfoy's name which was matched by Malfoy screaming "Yes Yes Yes". And they both climaxed. Their bodies shook at the new depths they had reached and had survived. Malfoy still bounded down pulls Harry in with his legs and kisses him for some time. After their intimacy they lay in bed with one another gazing at each other, neither able to contemplate what has happened or what they would do. It didn't matter this point to them. That was a problem for tomorrow. The two still wanted more of one another but realised that it was just the beginning. There would be more to explore. There would be more to be seen. More to be touched. More to be felt.

What have I done?...

There would be more to this new addiction.


	9. Still Falling

Chapter Nine: Still Falling

Wherever I Am, I Wish To Fly Away, These Tears Leave Me, Take My Fear, Someone Catch Me, Someone Catch This Broken Boy...

_If only those idiots knew what their saviour Harry was, the things he has done with me...It's only a matter of time now..._

If it weren't for him I would be dead. But at the cost of this?...

Once more, Harry's mind became populated with the thoughts and ideas of Malfoy as he sat along with Hermione and Ron eating breakfast in the Hogwarts hall. Most importantly to Harry, it was his relationship with Malfoy that circled around his thoughts. Whatever that was...

Look at him pretending, pretending to his loser friends, why does he spend so much time putting on this pathetic act? Because no one believes it. Malfoy found himself staring at Harry in disgust and jealousy. Even with me, after everything I've done for him, the bastard still distances himself from me like I'm the freak in our relationship. Malfoy suddenly stopped his thought then murmured "Did I just say relationship?". The emotions that met the statement from Malfoy were of confusion and resentment to the idea. Of course I 'like' him, I think I do. Malfoy continued his thoughts. But I would never call 'us' a relationship. But do I want it to be?...

"So Harry" Hermione begun, half reading her magical book, half speaking to Harry "Looking forward to the Hogwarts party celebration later tonight?". Harry, obviously still thinking about Malfoy simply nods his head. "Harry!". A finger pokes Harry in the left arm, it was Ron. "So who you going with?" Ron spoke whilst stuffing himself with his eleventh slice of toast. "You going to ask Cho-Ann. Come on you know you want to, you know you do. Harry and Cho-Ann, sitting in a tree. F-U-C-." Hermione interrupts on behalf of Harry, "Finish that sentence and I'll cast a spell to make you choke on that toast!". Ron immediately silences himself and swallows the toast, turning to Hermione and grinning widely. "Guys I don't even know if I even want to go, let alone who with". Harry implements into the conversation, "What is the point, nobody wants me there". But maybe he does... Harry thought to himself. "You guys go tonight, you can tell me all about it tomorrow". I'm cutting myself off from them again, Harry pondered. But its easy this way, going tonight would just make everything worse. Harry stealthy glances at Malfoy, who doesn't see the teenager gaze at him lustfully.

Because I'll just be waiting to be with you...

"Oh come on, you have to, it will be fun, I promise!". Ron and Hermione continue to pester Harry with the idea. "Guys I said no, and I mean it". Harry playfully dismisses the idea quickly. "Harry, you know you want to, the three musketeers and all" Hermione spoke positively. "Yeah, come on mate" Ron pushes. "We've missed you". Harry partially offended interrogates Ron's last statement "What's that supposed to mean ?, I haven't been anywhere. Do you know what forget it, I'm not coming guys sorry". Hermione once more pleads "Please, don't be a spoil sport!" "Hermione, Ron, I said no. Can we just leave it?" Harry quickly speaks. "No, we can't we won't stop going on till you co-" Ron begins. "I said NO!" Harry exclaims. The hall becomes engulfed in silence, glances all revert to Ron, Hermione and Harry, even the attention of Malfoy who sneers at the outburst caused by the three of them. "Can we do this another time please?" Harry quietly suggests, fully aware of the audience their drama had brought in. "No, Harry we can't, It's not just this, it's been before this, You've...You've changed" Hermione admits to herself and Harry. Harry becomes rushed with anger but this is met by a wave of embarrassment due to the entire hall's foreseeing eyes. In a room filled with literally all of Hogwarts inhabitants, Harry uneased by the situation bits his lip and turns around and purposefully glares at all those watching them. Whispers beginning to emerge from the students, even the teachers seem interested in what was occurring. Won't even a single teacher stop this? Harry questions in his mind. Ron puzzled by Harry's discomfort tries to reason with Harry "Mate, are you ok? I've noticed. I mean I and Hermione have noticed that these past few months-". Ron is halted by Harry's abrupt suggestion "No, no, not here not now, I can't take... I can't do this here. Guys can we just please go and talk somewhere else?". Harry begins to back out of the hall, hoping that Ron and Hermione would soon follow, whilst this occurs the attention of the other students remains closely focused on the triplet of wizards. And as they had been for the past five years to Harry, loyal friends there for him to the end, their friendship and dedication for one another something to treasure and appreciate. However after everything that had occurred over the recent months, "I just can't follow him" Hermione softly murmurs with loss and guilt racking her. Ron, immediately realises this and embraces her, holding her tightly like and older brother. "I know Hermione I know, I want to go after him, but..." Ron begins as if to justify his recent actions. "But what Ron?" Hermione kindly questions. Ron as usual, honest and down to earth replies whilst looking at Harry as he slowly drifts out of the Hogwart's hall.

"I don't know who Harry is anymore".

Elsewhere in the hall, slightly across from where Ron, Hermione and Harry were sitting not to long ago, remains Malfoy. Now joined by his mates Crabbe and Goyle, who along with him taunt what has just played out. "That Harry, gets more twatish everyday" Crabbe harshly discloses in a strong cockney accent, before beginning to talk once more after receiving laughs from Malfoy and Goyle. "The ginger and she-geek are bad enough, but that fuckin' Potter-" "You don't have to tell me twice" Malfoy chuckles. "All three of them are losers". But I like that loser, Malfoy shamefully admitted to himself. Silence found Malfoy after the thought of Harry, but only momentarily as the other side of Malfoy returned once more. "They walk around here thinking their better then the rest of us, funny thing is though Ron is the poorest person I know, I swear he has been wearing the same clothes since the first year of Hogwarts". Goyle as usual quickly agrees "Yeah Malfoy, good one mate, but its that bitch Hermione, I would love to just ram one of her books up her arse" The conversation, appalling to some, but entertaining to them, and them only continues with Crabbe's opinion " I would love to stick something else in her, you know what I mean Malf?!" The three break out in an orchestra of laughter and hysterics that no one dares interrupt "Yeah, yeah I know mate, that filthy fuckin' mugblood!". It wasn't just hatred for the entire muggle kind that fuelled Malfoy's comment but Hermione herself and her position in Harry's life along with Ron. "Malf, you done Snape's homework?" Goyle politely asked. A smirk from Malfoy met the question, as well as a reply of "Fuck no, couldn't be bothered. Was too busy-". Malfoy interrupted his sentence with silence. Malfoy thought of Harry once more, too busy fucking Harry then holding him in my arms, not like I'll ever tell you two that. Crabbe noticing this presses the question further "Too busy doing what Malf?" Seriousness crept on Crabbe's face before disappearing into a gigantic smile "Having a wank?! Laugh my fuckin' ass off". Malfoy obviously amused banters back "Yeah, wanking over your mum mate!" The three break out into further laughter, the differences of these three compared to Hermione, Ron and Harry were more than apparent. "Only joking" Malfoy finishes. "I got wasted then slept, you know the usual". Goyle agrees in a boyish manner "Yeah yeah, I know Malf, but I need to get that homework, or I'm out of that class. Not that I'm bothered, but that stupid mother of mine is pissing me off saying that if I get kicked out of the class my social life is over". "Shame, but what you going to do?". Crabbe humoured by Goyle's situation offers his opinion. Crabbe and Goyle continue talking, with Malfoy completely incoherent from their entire conversation, apart for the necessary smile or nod. Malfoy once more glares over another table with cruel and vengeful intent in mind. Goyle mentions the matter of his homework once more to Crabbe hoping for a solution that Goyle himself couldn't think of. But it is not Crabbe who indirectly answers this, but Malfoy "I know, I know exactly what to do". Malfoy lifts himself up from his seat, and begins to walk from their table, Crabbe and Goyle keep a close eye on Malfoy in silence before Goyle quietly speaks "Should we say something now? About Harry being outside his room?". To which Crabbe quickly replies "No, not just yet, when the time is right". Smirks appear on both of their faces simultaneously as they watch their friend pace towards another table. Where Hermione and Ron presently sit.

"Oi! Ginger!" Malfoy purposefully belts out, when 'ginger' was clearly infront of him. Malfoy's comment interrupts Ron and Hermione's conversation which had strayed to the issue of Harry now and again. "What do you-". Ron begins and then realises who called him ginger "Fuck off Malfoy, don't you have some first years to beat up for their money or something?". Malfoy, obviously unimpressed simply states "You should take a note of that and start it up, maybe then your mum could afford new underwear instead of using cut up shopping bags!". "That's it!" Ron beings and raises himself up as if planning to charge for Malfoy. Malfoy dismissive of Ron , as in Malfoy's opinion, he was unimportant in everything taunts."Come on now really, do you want me to punch out your two front teeth, has anyone in your family actually ever been able to afford to go to the dentist!?". Hermione momentarily intervenes "Oh look its bad boy of the year, why don't you go away now or I'll turn you into a slug!". Malfoy in no way scared of Hermione and purposefully looking for a fight with these two shouts back "Fuck off you muggle filth or I'll hurt you!". Ron, as usual, Hermione's knight in shining armour verbally attacks Malfoy again, with the quickest comeback that comes to his mind "Well your dad is one to talk, I wonder how your family got so rich, maybe it has something to do with your dad being on his knees a lot 'servicing' Voldermort!, ever thought about that mate!?" Malfoy enraged and offended lunges towards Ron and grabs him by the scruff of his collar. Ron doesn't willing succumb to his attack and grasps onto Malfoy's clothing. Each of them tug at one another, neither landing a punch on the other. "Take that back you dickhead tramp!" Malfoy spits. Ron on point retorts back "Make me you blond wanker!". The struggle, which has only been going for less than ten seconds catches the attention of the other Hogwarts students, including Crabbe and Goyle who sprint over. This is then followed by Snape, of which he snarls "Stop this instant, both of you!". Malfoy purposefully ignoring Snape's demands proceeds and headbutts Ron. Ron releases a sharp painful cry. Ron shouts "You little fucker, I'm going to kill you", to which Malfoy doesn't flinch. Snape attempts to intervene but students begin to surround the two fighting students and their chants outmatch Snape's single order. Malfoy further provokes Ron "Come on then you ginger ninja!". The crowd are torn between the two different fighters. There are shouts for Ron that are answered by shouts for Malfoy. The two lunge for one another, fist to fist, foot to foot. Neither seems to have the advantage. The crowd gaze on in excitement and hysterics, until Snape finally pushes his way through the last bunch of students. The two still withstanding Snape's authority continue fighting until Snape grabs both of them and pushes them apart in opposite directions within the circle of students. Hermione immediately rushes to Ron, pushing past Snape. Ron appears to have a few cuts and bruises on his face to which Hermione mothers over. "Oh my god Ron you're bleeding! Are you okay.? I'll kill him." Hermione shouts over to Malfoy "Malfoy you are a vicious monster!". Malfoy hears this even though he is surrounded by his closet mates Crabbe and Goyle. Malfoy stands up and glares at Hermione "Bite me, you bitch!". Malfoy's face alike Ron's is bruised and bleeding. It appears that neither one is the victor. Hermione now angry by Malfoy's constant abuse towards her stamps over to Malfoy, who only laughs at her. Malfoy sarcastically remarks to Crabbe and Goyle "Oh, this is sure going to hurt!" The three of them size up Hermione and immediately laugh. Snape stalks over and glares at the four of them before going back to Ron who is still on the floor. Now with Snape's back to Crabbe, Hermione, Malfoy and Goyle, Hermione makes her move. "Do you know what?" Hermione questions Malfoy. "Do I know wha-" Malfoy begins to reply but is halted as Hermione grabs him by the arms and raises her knee and slams it into Malfoy's groin; much to the surprise of Crabbe, Goyle and Malfoy himself. Malfoy cries in pain, his face becomes rushed with red and he slumps down onto his knees. Malfoy pants heavily and clutches his groin. Hermione simply smiles and walks back to Ron; leaving Crabbe and Goyle in complete astonishment. Snape orders for all the students to proceed to their classes, having not seen Hermione knee Malfoy. "You two" Snape speaks whilst speaking to Ron and Malfoy, who is still on the floor wincing in pain, "Here now!". The two teenagers are in silence, apart for Malfoy's occasional deep breaths due to the pain caused by Hermione. Snape momentarily decides on their correct punishment. "A month in detention starting from this evening, any complaints and it will be a year". Snape sneers then stalks off, already late for his first lesson of the day which most of the students present were in.

Now with the confrontation over. The two fighters part. Ron with Hermione. Malfoy still in pain limping with Crabbe and Goyle. Both, two totally different people with different lives. However they relate on a single thought as they guide themselves to the start of their academic day.

This isn't over. This is only the beginning...

And all the while, from a far, Harry watches on what has occurred. Ashamed of the fact that part of himself wanted Malfoy to win and seeing him exert strength aroused him and brought a smile to his face. Whilst the other part was on the side of Ron, who wanted to run to Ron and Hermione and help nurse Ron's wounds and back him up against Malfoy. "But I just can't". Harry mutters "But

give me time..." Harry begins walking, neither knowing where he was headed, nor the fact that he wasn't bothered by seemingly walking randomly to an unknown destination. Harry knew that he would find himself wherever he needed to be. And there Harry was, once more alone, contemplating his relationship with 'him' and 'them'. Before realising the answer to his question that had plagued him and been decided throughout Ron and Malfoy's confrontation.

I'm doing this for 'them' not myself. I'll lie and pretend that I'm ready for you to be out of my life. Just for them, Just for them...


	10. As Our World Fades: Loving Enemies

Chapter Ten: As Our World Fades: Loving Enemies

Staring Out Into Our World, At What Is Left, Time Has Aged It, Our Pain Has Destroyed It, Our Love Has Blackened All We Know, The Chains You Possessed Holding Me Here Are Now Broken, Leaving Only Us....

_I'm doing this for 'them' not myself. I'll lie and pretend that I'm ready for you to be out of my life. Just for them, Just for them...._

Harry found himself slowly pacing out of the centre area of the Hogwarts castle, travelling out and deep into the boundaries of the surrounding area. His mind now completely blank appeared to be controlling his body, each step onto the ground was motivated by a need to understand how he was going to resolve the situation that kept gaining further momentum and hurting more people. The wind gracefully pushed Harry into the opposite direction of Hogwarts, as if guiding him to a destination that needed his presence. Currently, all other students were in their mid-morning lessons, fulfilling their wizardry and mastering their skills; but not Harry. Harry was fully aware that his lesson was Snape's class of Dark Arts and Potions, but he had become disinterested from the subject and had been for some time now, resulting in a great effect on his grades. Another casualty in the battle of my life, Harry thought before continuing his walk.

Harry's arms were crossed in a negative manner, as if he were trying to dodge what ever he knew he would have to eventually face. I only go to that stupid lesson to see 'you'. And it was then, that Harry stopped suddenly, the wind continued to blow, flowing through his hair with uncontrollable force. Harry realised where he was, the cast iron gates that creaked and screamed of its ancient ancestry. And who lay here. "Cedric". Harry murmured. Just mentioning the dead teenager's name brought up emotions that Harry had been running from since the horrific event. As Harry slowly clutched the gate's door and pulled it open, the ground appeared to shudder and the dirt beneath his feet was separated., Harry entered where the dead lay. The Graveyard.

The land of the dead seemed so peaceful to Harry, who still crossed armed paced along the long path that passed through the graveyard. Amassed around the path that seemed to stretch an incredibly distance, were richly decorated and antique gravestones. These spoke of such wealth and grandeur of those who lay here and their families that had put them beneath the ground. However, the atmosphere Harry noted wasn't that of normal creepy and eerie graveyards, it had a great sense of dignity and respect, only the most prominent and legendary belonged here. "And the fallen". Harry whispered to himself as if those three words would comfort him. Cedric to Harry was the fallen, and innocent who was a causality in Harry's ongoing war. And it was then when Harry found himself infront of Cedric's grave, Harry crouched and trailed his hand along the cold marble stone, across Cedric's engraved name, remembering a dear friend who he missed a great deal. "It should be me in this grave, not you". Harry spoke to Cedric. But it's not, an answer replied from within Harry's head.

The light from above shone harder, the harsh light of day flowed throughout the graveyard, highlighting the gravestones and trees with an exotic beauty; and Harry himself. The light bathed Harry's face and warmed him, as if it were some comfort or reassurance sent from the world of the dead by Cedric. Just that was enough for Harry as he lifted himself up once more, off of the healthy green grass and back onto the path that lead to the Hogwarts meadows. Harry started walking up the path once more, before turning around to look at Cedric's gravestone and what it had engraved on it.

_**Cedric Diggory : Here Lies A Warrior, Whose Heart Bore Greatness And Braveness. A Legend Whose Legacy Will Never Die...**_

Minutes pasted all too quickly as Harry found himself at the peak of the high hills of the Hogwarts meadows. But Harry wasn't alone. From afar Harry noticed a person perched on the cliff of one of the hills, with the ocean sweeping a number of meters beneath their feet. Puzzled by who it may be, Harry drew himself closer to the stranger. Is it an ally of Voldermolt?, Harry cautiously questioned himself as he motioned to his pocket to withdraw his wand. Harry felt his heart beat louder, with each footstep the beats of his racing heart echoed throughout his ears and into the silence of the meadows. For if it was an ally of the great evil, would I even defend myself?. Harry thought. A hidden wish emerged from deep within Harry's mind that neither Ron, Hermione or even Malfoy knew.

I wouldn't fight, I would decide in that moment, that single moment. To lose.

.............

But now isn't the time...

Harry regaining his attention onto the mystery person paces further forward, feeling the cold air run throughout his being and the coldness of the edged wooden wand now grasped in his hand. But eventually, as he became only inches away from the stranger, Harry realised this person wasn't a threat, maybe not indirectly. It was a man, a teenager, clutching a bottle of vodka and a cigarette in their pale white hand. The smoke from the cigarette escaped into the motioning wind and disappeared into the void in mere seconds. A black coat with a jet black hood covered the guy's head completely, except for a single blond stand that dangled in the wind

Malfoy?..

_Fuck Off!_

But Malfoy, why are you-? Its just me and you, no one else-

_Fuck Off!_

For fuck sake Malfoy why are you being like thi-

_FUCK OFF!_

Now, Harry had been reunited with Malfoy. "What is the matter with you?". Harry screamed due to Malfoy's coldness towards him. Harry was used to this when there was company present but not now, not when they were completely alone. Harry's question was met with silence once more, but as Malfoy turned towards Harry and glared at him; Harry soon realised. Malfoy's face was bloodied and bruised, his lip appeared to be cut, yet he remained still attractive. Malfoy turns away once more and gazes back into the distance of the meadows, at the bright sun circling the landscape, before taking a drag of his cigarette, the pain caused by this was obvious. "Ron", Harry whispered. This was Ron's doing, Harry thought to himself. But you don't need to know I know that.....

Walking closer to Malfoy with emotions of sympathy and comfort, Harry appears shocked and speechless with what his eyes have looked open "How?..what has...how?". Malfoy turns once more and angrily glares at Harry before violently spitting "Like you have no fucking idea. Don't get all twatish now Harry!" before turning his head again. Harry hurt by those words keeps calm, not wanting another dispute with Malfoy, as it hurt his heart like hell. "How, would I know what happened?!, I wasn't there Ma-". Malfoy rotates his head a further time, looking deep into Harry's eyes with a cold expression, his eyes speak of disappointment at the obviousness of Harry having knowledge of his confrontation. How did he know I was there?, Harry questioned himself, knowing the answer already.....

_Because we can feel each other....._

_**Guilt**_

Followed By

_**Shame**_

And Then Finally

_**Remorse**_

"Look", Harry politely reasons, "You two need to-". "I'm going to fuck up that ginger cunt". Malfoy vents "And that muggle filth". Harry defenceless of his friends advances closer to Malfoy so he is standing over him. "That is enough, what the hell is wrong with you and Ron, I'm sick of this childish-". "Us two?!" Malfoy intervenes. "That Weasley wanker started it, I'm going to hurt him so bad. But not as bad as that bitch!". "Who?". Harry interrogates watching Malfoy closely. "That muggle whore Hermione who else!. Kneeing me in my cock" Malfoy shouts with anger. Harry humoured by this silently laughs, satisfied by Hermione's victory over Malfoy, however he still sympathized his-, my what?. Harry ponders. Boyfriend?. "And why did she do that? You must have done something!". Harry states. "Like what?" Malfoy questions. "I didn't do shit!. She came over and kneed me in my cock, and it fuckin' hurt!. "I'm sorry, you know how Hermione gets -."

"Wait, does that mean down there is broken?!". Harry humours, lightning the mood, then sits down next to Malfoy who offers Harry some vodka; of which he declines. "Fuck no!". Malfoy states and then pauses for a moment. " Want to put it to the test?". Malfoy seductively plays, placing his hand on his crotch and winking at Harry. "Down boy!". Harry replies and smiles."Come on, you know you want to". Malfoy trails his hand along Harry's leg until its near his private area."No, means no, play your cards right and I might, actually I won't get your hopes up!". Harry teasingly plays along with Malfoy. "Tease!". Malfoy complains. "Just remember you're the one who always wants it from me, and I give it to you. It's time to return the favours Harry. Don't be selfish" Malfoy moans sexually frustrated. Harry had to admit he loved encounters with Malfoy like this, the banter, the sexual tension, it caused him to crave him even more.

"Well you know me, I have self control. You on the other hand are just a bad boy". Harry played. "Oh don't act that you don't like it. Being with me. The things I do to you. You know I get you wet. Admit it!". Malfoy played back living up the moment with Harry". "You should get someone to check those wounds". Harry mothers. Dodging Malfoy's question of which the answer was yes. "They look-". Harry continues. "No, I'm fine, but thanks for the suggestion". Malfoy replies. Their eyes meet one another, and they smile. A first time for everything. Harry notes.

This is going to be harder than I thought it was going to be....

"So how come you're not in Snape's lesson?". Harry questioned. "Same could be said to you!" Malfoy toyed. "Fuck it, can't be bothered, its all bullshit". "You got that right". Harry agreed, the two seemed to be actually talking to one another. "It all seems pointless, I wonder if Ron and Hermione have noticed my absence". Harry continued. Malfoy taking an interest in the subject but clearly expressing his opinion notes "Well they didn't give a flying fuck before, so I doubt they would start now". Harry shook by Malfoy comment remains silent whilst Malfoy stares at him with an expression of wonder upon his face.

After a couple of seconds, the silence breaks when Harry begins to speak "Why do you always do that?". Malfoy puzzled replies quickly. "Why do I do what?". Harry looks deep into Malfoy's eyes, Malfoy embarrassed, smiles and turns away. "You didn't answer my question Harry". Malfoy resumes. "You're right, I didn't". Harry begins to speak after several moments, a saddened and pain tone echoes in Harry's voice as he softly whispers "Why do you act like you know me?". Malfoy certain of his answer replies to Harry's question facing Harry once more. "Because I do". Malfoy honestly spoke, something so rare. " I understand you, Harry, whatever the hell you are, I get it, I just-. God why do you do this to me?". Harry shocked by Malfoy's words screeches "I don't do anything, it's you, It's always you. You say you know me but-". Malfoy interrupts Harry's speech "But what?". Seriousness creept on Malfoy's face as he watched Harry's face closely, his eyes, his hair, his cheeks and his soft lips. "Nothing-". Harry quietly pleads.

You don't know me, God I don't even know myself......

I can't do this, I need you in my life so badly, you are keeping me here, you and you alone and it sickens me....

"What you thinking Harry?". Malfoy respectfully asks Harry, breaking his train of thought. "Don't tell me, is your Spidey-sense tingling?. Is there some granny you must help cross the road or something?". Malfoy cheerfully plays humouring himself. "I can understand why Voldermort is so afraid of you". Malfoy giggles, obliviously of Harry's silence. And it was then that Harry's hidden desire surfaced, Harry didn't trust Malfoy, he never could. But what we have is enough....

So I'm going to tell you.......

Not that I love you, no, never I'll never admit it to, even if the world depend on it. I rather have the world fade away then ever whisper those words.....

But I'll tell you this, the one thing that haunts me in the night. I'll tell you about.....

My Dream.....


	11. The Dream

Chapter Eleven: The Dream

_**............**_

_**And it finds me every single night, I try to run from it but I just can't.....**_

_**Run from what you ask?.**_

_**It's the same dark scene**_

_**the same old dream**_

_**and it throws me again and again**_

_**I don't think I can even formulate the words correctly**_

_**But I know I have to.**_

_**I need you to know**_

_**I want you to know**_

_**So here it goes.....**_

_**............**_

"Malfoy". I weakly spoke. "What, Harry?". Malfoy replied strongly emphasising on my name. "What's the matter with you now?". "Nothing". I neutrally replied.

_**Tell him.......**_

_**Tell him.......**_

"Actually". I once more began. "Can I tell you something?". "Hit me!". Malfoy happily talked taking a swig from his nearly empty bottle of vodka. "Want the rest?​". Malfoy asked me. "Yeah, sure". I spoke quickly, filling my mouth with the rest of the vodka. The odours from the bottle rushed into my nostrils and burned my throat,causing my face to turn red. My throat ached and felt charred as the liquid transcended down my body, the vibrations sent warmth through me and buzzed my mind. "You were saying?". Malfoy begun again. "Yeah, okay I want to tell you, about-". I suddenly halted, I just couldn't bring myself to open up, because if I did, the tears would follow and I don't think I would ever be able to stop them. But I realised that this was my last chance, and so I delved deep within myself, found the courage and confidence and began to softly speak once more "Okay I have this.....this dream, the same dream every single night, even when I'm with-". "With me?". Malfoy broke off. "Yeah". I painfully replied and then continued. "But that's not the point, it has nothing to do with you. You are a totally different-. Nevermind.".

_**The idea of you Malfoy is another subject in itself, **_

_**what you mean to me, what you've done to me. **_

_**It's you, it's always been you**_

_**God, I don't think there is enough time in this world to explain everything......**_

"Harry?". I could hear Malfoy whisper my name as he placed his arm on my shoulder, in the attempt to attract my attention. "You were saying?. Come on you can tell me". Malfoy appeared to be genuinely interested in what I had to say, and honestly this touched me more deeply than anything he had ever done to or with me. The words, the bruises, the sex, everything, they just didn't appear to matter. Not anymore. "I know, I can. I just". I found my self stuttering as I looked up at Malfoy, the words were inside of me but they just couldn't surface. "I have this thing, it's a dream that, God this is stupid". I dismissed the subject entirely. But Malfoy was definitely against this idea. "No, come on, it's okay, you can tell me, Harry I want to know". Malfoy was being extremely nice to me, I once more realised that everytime I saw him, I loved him just a bit more. "Fine, in this dream, it's the end of days, the end of everything I've ever known, the world is, in total darkness". As I spoke, I found my speech prolonging as each word brought me more closer to tears, but I wouldn't let my self give in, not just yet. "And there he is". I once more spoke before Malfoy interrupted me "Who?"......

_**Voldermort......**_

I'm somewhere dark, deep underground.

Surrounded by complete darkness

It's not my grave

It's not hell

It's worse.

And he comes to me.

I found myself binded down.

The chains burn my wrist and slit my skin

The blood gushes down onto me

Flowing onto him

Beneath me

I can feel it

The cockroaches

The maggots

The End.

I soon look upon them

Upon them all

Everyone I've ever loved

Bruised

Blooded

Near Death.

My Mother

My Father

Sirius

Cedric

Dumbledore

Hermione

Ron

_**and**_

_**You.**_

And You. I whispered those two words softly on purpose as a single tear fell from my eyes. With you never hearing me mention your name for the greater good, as it would question what I must soon have to do soon. "Is that it?". Malfoy seemingly fascinated by the subject goads me to continue. "Harry??....". After a few moments I find myself speaking once more, the words being to flow so freely, one of the burdens I've battled with was finally disappearing."You all...I mean they all appear, to be close to death". I weakly spoke after correcting myself, the pain choked me because of yet another lie. "Hermione has been, been, raped, and Ron has a massive gash on his head, I know he won't". I silenced myself, just to comprehend the death of any of my friends was too much for me to handle, they were too important in my life, even though I honestly felt like I couldn't see it or feel it. "Make it?". Malfoy offered his suggestion already knowing the answer. I nodded quickly then gazed at Malfoy, for an answer to all my troubles. "Anything else?". Malfoy asked me with great concern not wanting to push me into opening up, he continued to hold me by my arm, providing me with comfort and support. "He comes to me, and spits three words, three simple words that I have tried so hard to escape from until now". Malfoy's question is blocked out from my mind as the three words circle around my head and even echoes in the wind.

_**Live Or Die?....**_

Malfoy softly shakes me, bringing me back inside my body, returning me to his question words "What does Voldermort say to you?". Malfoy seriously interrogated me with deep concern covering his face. I couldn't find those words at that moment when I needed them most, I knew what they were, I had whispered them so many times but now they were so distant from me. "Live..". I began to speak, my speech juddered by my anxiety and the emotional pain each syllable brought me. "Live..or...die?". A sudden rush of relief took me over as I completed my words, this was short-lived due to Malfoy's next question. "And what do you say?". Malfoy curiously spoke whilst looking at me sternly with his charismatic eyes that made me breathe ever so that much deeply. And I simply replied, as if it was my last plead for humanity "Die...".

I turn my attention from Malfoy, from anywhere near him or the life I had that he so strongly symbolised. Through my death, through that single word. I had saved the world, I sacrificed my life for everyone, so that they could live. I averted the end of days and the apocalyptic threat that Voldermort envisioned. But that was a lie I couldn't turn into truth. My death didn't save the world. It simply saved me.

"I didn't do it because I'm this great hero all these people think I am". I begun once more, staring into the distant, at the shining sun and the bright sky, a sensation evoked that I felt I hadn't seen in years. As if I was seeing the world once more, reborn in this moment. Not caring whether Malfoy heard me or not as I spoke.

I did it because I wanted to die,

That moment,

Me versus the world

and I chose in a split second,

I wasn't a selfless act

It was a selfish act

I did it because I know that how ever I fight it

_**Voldermort Will Win.**_

And I'll Lose

And I want to lose

I don't want to do this battle

I don't want to live this life

I don't want to see more people die

People I love

People I hate

If I die, then I won't be here

I won't have to try and stop him,

I know it will hurt

I know that the universe will plunge into darkness

But I just don't care

I didn't ask to be Harry Potter

I never asked for any of this

I never asked to be

_**Humanity's Last Hope.**_


	12. As Our World Fades: BrokenDoomed

Chapter Twelve: As Our World Fades: Broken/Doomed

I'll Cling Onto You Just A Little Bit Tighter, Look Into Your Eyes A Little Bit Deeper, Hate And Love You Just A Bit Stronger. I'll Do Anything For Our World To Not Have To Fade Away.

_I didn't ask to be Harry Potter. I never asked for any of this. I never asked to be_ _**Humanity's Last Hope....**_

The next few moments passed with neither of the 'lovers' speaking, the same thing appeared to occur every so often when these two were together. The weather had gotten slightly warmer with the sun beaming down harder than before; as if offering the harsh light of day after Harry's honesty. Malfoy fiddled with his cigarette packet, withdrew another cigarette and sparked it up. Gazing at the fire emanating from the lighter as there wasn't anything else to appeal to his attention. Harry, now exhausted by his admission awkwardly looked around, as if these movements would excel time until it was time for him to go. Whenever that was....

_I wonder what Malfoy is thinking. I bet he thinks I'm a complaining idiot. I bet he hates me even more now. God what have I done?. The last person I have left I'm pushing away. And I haven't even **broken **up what I have with him yet...._

_I don't know what to say to Harry. What the bloody hell can I say?. It doesn't seem like I fucking mean anything to him. All he cares about is those pricks; Hermione and Ron. He just sees the sex and that's it. But isn't that exactly how I feel?. Maybe its for the best what we have is simply just this. Any possible future seems **doomed.....**_

Thoughts continue to cloud both Harry and Malfoy's minds, with neither breaking free from the silence. The tension and awkwardness grew by the minute as the silence continued to prolong. Until. "Humanity's last hope huh?". Malfoy offered trying to pleasant the mood. A slight nod of Malfoy's head was then followed with a small smile that, or Malfoy would hope, would stir Harry into talking again, instead of looking into the distance and ignoring everything around him. Malfoy was partially successful as Harry leaned his head in Malfoy's direction and simply whispered "Yeah". The pain and sorrow, Malfoy noted in his mind, could be heard echoing in Harry's voice. "Bummer" Malfoy lets slip, afterwards unsure how to act reverts back to being quiet.

Silence emerges once more, with Harry once again in deep thought. Harry, arms crossed weakly shrugs and stares at Malfoy. "Yeah, what else can you do?". Harry questions, unsure of the question himself; but smiles all the while. Malfoy momentarily smiles back, inhales his cigarette and blows out; the smoke and all the tension that had been brewing. "Fuck it'. Malfoy cheerily dictates. "Just say fuck it to it all, its not worth your time". Malfoy continues, winking at Harry in order to comfort him with his humour and his laid-back approach to life. "You're right". Harry speaks again. "Fuck it, that's tomorrow, the future, I don't even know. I have today, and I guess that's all that matters".

Once again you're being my saviour. Making it all seem clear. Making me not feel broken. God how can I do this?. Bad enough the lies to myself but to you aswell. Saying I don't want you in my life is dooming everything I want....

When in reality, I'll never be ready to not want you......

"Sometimes I just wish I could get away". Harry begins, a neutral tone shaking his voice as he talked to Malfoy and himself. "Just you know far away, from it all". Harry sighs knowing that this desire wouldn't be fulfilled in the next few moments, minutes or months if ever; but that didn't mean the dream would die. "Where to?". Malfoy offers as he flicks his cigarette over one of the meadows cliffs, and watches the bud fall into the roaring ocean beneath. "I dunno, I think-". Harry states opening his mind to Malfoy. "An island in a remote location, with no war or hatred, or the stupid sufferings of life. A place where all the negativity fades leaving me". Malfoy listens closely to the person who seemed so troubled with no resolution. "Hmmmmm". Malfoy offers his view. "Would this island have an unlimited supply of drugs, cigarettes and alcohol?". Malfoy humours, as if asking Harry if there was a place for him on this 'island' or Harry's perfect life. Harry automatically clocks onto one of Malfoy's hidden intentions and stares at him with a glint in his eye. They both smile at one another in silence until Harry simply states, neglecting what he knew he would soon have to do. "Maybe....".

"I'm going to fuck from Hogwarts aswell, from all the rules and lessons, to somewhere where its busy and alive and a 24/7 party". Malfoy quips, offering his suggestion to Harry which was the complete opposite to Harry's idea. "And you would do what there?". Harry queries, obviously interested in what Malfoy had to say. "You know...drink...fuck....party. The usual". Malfoy replies. "Get my band out there in the wizardry world". "Band?". Harry, confused by Malfoy's words questions. "You know, 'Draco's Demons'" Malfoy quickly states with an exaggeration that was meant to glamorise his band. "Oh, you guys have a name now, I thought it was just 'the band'. Harry emphasis on 'the band' as he continues to chat about Malfoy's band. "Well you know, as lead singer and guitarist, it was down to me to-". Malfoy begins arrogantly with an ego larger than the universe. "Lead singer?...Guitarist?". Harry toys. "I've heard you sing and you...well...your guitar skills well, let's just say that muggle 'Guitar Hero' is the closet you will ever get to being a rock legend...". Harry continues to utter his opinion over Malfoy's musical talents. "Screw you Harry, I'm an awesome guitarist yeah!. I got wicked mad skills. Okay maybe the singing isn't ace but it will get better". Malfoy funnily pleads. "From your singing of certain songs I doubt it-". "Thanks". Malfoy spits, clearly offended.

"Oh, Malfoy don't get like that. I'm only joking -. You know what, you may not be the killer musician on stage, but you would be the sexiest-" Harry mumbles before stopping himself once the embarrassment took over. Malfoy grins widely and winks once again, whilst roughing up his blond hair with his hands. "Well that's a start-". Malfoy asserts after Harry's compliment. "Yeah, until you start playing". Harry humours himself, bursting into fits of laughter whilst Malfoy's cheeks redden. Wanting to silence Harry, Malfoy propels himself onto Harry and pins him down on the ground. They flail their arms about as they childishly fight with one another with Harry remaining in laughing fits and Malfoy in complete embarrassment and mockery. "Take that back". Malfoy demands pinning Harry's arms down, now completely on top of him face to face. "Hell no!". Harry giggles and detests. The two entwined in a beautiful moment that Harry would, cherish, until the end of the world, or his eventual death.

Malfoy still straddling Harry continues to pin down Harry's arms into place, with now, no retaliation from Harry. Both Harry and Malfoy breathe heavily and smile at each other as their energy begins to fade after their 'fight'. Malfoy eyes Harry, his facial features, his raven-dark hair, his scar and his gentle lips; Harry watches on as Malfoy does this and looks at Malfoy more closely. "Ready to take it back". Malfoy quietly whispers, still holding Harry's arms. "Never...". Harry mumbles under deep breaths. Malfoy removes one hand pining Harry's arms down, and motions to Harry's neck. Trailing his hands downwards his neck and pass down his chest before his hand reaches near his penis; Harry all the while remains silent and only sighs whilst looking deep into Malfoy's eyes; waiting. Malfoy delves his hand into Harry's jeans and under his boxers. Harry arches his back upwards till both he and Malfoy are literally touching. Malfoy's cold touch beginning to warm Harry and awaken his soul.

With a soft sigh Harry rests his muscles and lays back down onto the grass. Malfoy leans closer to Harry, with his hand still in his pants, caressing Harry's penis and circling his pubic hair. Now next to his Harry's left ear, Malfoy starts to nibble softly at first and then harder until Harry lets out a moan. Harry, now reaching his typical sexual trance relaxes and bits his lips. "How about now?". Malfoy rhetorically speaks. Harry's breaths deepen once more as Malfoy moves from his ear until their eyes meet and rest upon each others. Malfoy licks his lips and continues to explore Harry's lower body area; preparing to consume Harry.

"Malfoy.....stop that....". Harry weakly inhales and pleads whilst gazing at Malfoy, Harry appearing vulnerable and defenceless unknowingly, whilst speaking, guides his hands onto Malfoy. Underneath his coat and shirt until he touches his naked six pack; of which Harry trails his fingers and hands along. Malfoy's cold muscular abdomen engulfs Harry into a sexual trance. "Make me...". Malfoy snidely sneers knowing that Harry wouldn't react. Harry once more pleads "Malfoy....I mean it..........uhhhhhh.....stop that....". Malfoy tilts his head after Harry's comment and gestures downwards to his stomach to where Harry's hands rest; with no answer from Harry except from the roll of his eyes. Malfoy smiles and raises his eyebrows in an arrogant manner, his lips separating again to reveal another smirk. Malfoy reaches in again, closer to Harry's face. Harry's heart beat increases, the surroundings and the world itself drifts away leaving only Malfoy on him. Malfoy touches, once at first, Harry's lips with his own. Lifting his head again to a seduced Harry. Harry remains still but holds onto Malfoy's stomach as if the coldness of Malfoy's six pack pleasured Harry. Malfoy goes in once more, and strongly kisses Harry with Harry kissing Malfoy back. They cling to one another harder, their nails digging into each other. No breathes. No moans. No sounds. Just silence. Until everything is broken......

Harry turns his head to the right, facing away from Malfoy and his lips; to which Malfoy quickly notices. Malfoy attempts to regain Harry's sexual touch with no avail. Infuriated and horny Malfoy grunts. Harry raises himself up once again making himself face to face with Malfoy as if he were going to kiss him again. Immediately Malfoy's face lights up and his body language turns hopeful. Harry still playing with Malfoy's six pack gains momentum and release his hold on Malfoy's body which causes Malfoy to fall backwards with a thud and a cry of "Fuck". Appearing numb and broken. Harry, unemotionally whispers "So you're leaving here. But what about me?".

"What the fuck about you?". Malfoy questions puzzled, a harsh tone rattling his voice. "Don't give me that, not now..". Harry pleads glaring at Malfoy. The fact of Malfoy leaving Harry hurt more than Harry could describe, the one person who made him feel or be anything planned to go away; leaving him alone again. "What else do you want me to say?. Malfoy spits. "Fuckin' lie to you and make out we're not enemies but are betrothed and what we have is forever?!". "Of course not, I know that you and I-". Harry interrupts himself with silence. What am I doing? Harry interrogated himself, Harry's plan was to finish his 'relationship' with Malfoy, wasn't that why he had come here?. But now as Harry begins to think back on his original intentions.........

Maybe I'm not ready. But I need to be, I'm toughening up. I refuse to be used, abused and thrown away by you. Not again....

"Malfoy, I don't want to argue with you. It's just..". Harry's speech derailed into a whisper as he gave up on defending himself. "What is it just?". Malfoy asked, a neutral tone in his voice. Malfoy, as noted in Harry's mind had slightly calm down, minus the cruel expression still remaining on his face. "It's just...God it's just. You know what I'm not doing this!". Harry demands and begins to rise, obviously running away from Malfoy and his own honesty. Malfoy's eyes avert onto Harry rising from the ground and dusting himself off. "Where the fuck do you think you're going Harry!?". Malfoy half questions, half sneers. "Away from you, you blond idiot!". Harry screams and begins slowly storming away from Malfoy.

Malfoy with great speed jumps to his feet and rushes after Harry with a motivation and meaning to his actions. "What the fuck, Harry stop being a knob, listen to me for fuck sake-". Malfoy grabs the back of Harry's arms and attempts to turn him around; to which he succeeds. "Get off of me now!". Harry shouts in a foul mood. "Malfoy, just get off me, I mean it I'm not playing these fucked up games with you anymore". "Will you just bloody listen, and stop being a wanker!". Malfoy pleads trying to ease down the growing commotion. "Don't you tell me what to do Malfoy!. You have no right, you once did but not anymore. Your recent actions are down to that!". Harry vents. "What? You are getting the hump over me leaving Hogwarts?. What the hell is up with you Harry?". Malfoy challenges. "You are just going to....I don't. I don't even know". Harry weakly declares looking Malfoy straight in the eye.

"_**I just don't want to be alone....". **_

A single tear emerges from Harry's left eye and falls down his face into the wind; forever gone. Harry helplessly breaks down, losing all his will to be strong. Harry invades Malfoy's arms as he clings onto him in fits of tears. Every passing moment Harry clings on an inch tighter as if this act was keeping Harry on this planet. Malfoy at first remains cold for some time, showing no emotion as Harry breaks down in his arms. However this is short-lived as Malfoy after some hesitation wraps his arms around Harry, softening up, circling his entire body; protecting him from everything.

"It's okay, you'll be okay. I'm not going to let-". Malfoy sweetly beings before Harry interrupts. "No, no. I can't do this. Everyday without you here. You are the only one I can count on. You are the only one I have and I don't know what to do. You make me feel like I'm not broken". Harry silences himself and rests his head on Malfoy's left shoulder, as if giving up on his life battle. Harry's mind becoming a wave of contradicting thoughts.

_I'll only mention that and nothing else. I want you around. That may be true. But I only need you just for a bit longer. Maybe tomorrow I'll pretend that I don't want you in my life. I'll pretend that I'm not addicted to this pain and pleasure you give me. I'll pretend that whatever we have isn't slowly killing me. I'll pretend that I don't love you...._

Whilst Harry thinks in silence with the occasional cry and tear. Malfoy smiles. Half for the comfort he was providing Harry as Harry pressed harder against Malfoy. But mostly overall, the smile was down to Malfoy's triumphant. His triumphant of hearing those previous words from Harry. His triumphant over Harry. And as Malfoy embraces Harry in his hold slightly tighter. The smile turns into a sneer. A sneer turns into a grin. The grin representing the thought now in Malfoy's mind.

_Now, I have you exactly where I want you........_

_This pain is only the beginning Harry. I've got a lot more in-store for you my love......_

_Now, it's only a matter of time before it's time for me to strike........._


End file.
